Glass Rose Petals

Final Decision

2008-07-17T14:29:00.004-06:00

The jury is no longer out, the University of Utah is the winner in the Slumpfacade sweepstakes!!! I plan on leaving August 15, 2008; its a 17 hour drive. This time last year I was still angry because I was not admitted into the University of Oklahoma, one year later I'm declining their offer; intriguing indeed. Needless to say, I'm going to miss Oklahoma City, in fact, I already do. The good news is I'm having a WHITE LINEN GOING AWAY BASH on August 9,2008, 143 people on the list, its going to be MAJOR in a major way! I'm going to miss blogging about poetry, however, I'll definitely post from time to time. Keep me in your prayers and no, I won't continue writing poetry. When reading my book lately, I often wonder who wrote those pieces; I was truly in a different place, a different space.

Enough small talk, if you need to reach me do so at: slumpfacade@gmail.com

Blind As A Bat!

2008-04-30T14:18:00.004-06:00

Which pair is the hottest, it time to upgrade myself--I've been doing so for like three months now?

Never...

2008-04-28T10:35:00.004-06:00

Never trust a woman who paints a negative picture of her husband/lover, yet continues to stand by his side,

Never confide in a woman who poses as the "Damsel in Distress" mentality, she may secretly be plotting your demise,

Never believe a woman who uses the word “friend” in a liberal manner,

Never support a woman who’s banter is filled with drama,

Never aid a woman who is unwilling to change though she knows she is wrong,

Never give praise to a woman elevates herself while calling those around her weak, not strong,

Never select the woman whore over the virgin because the latter finds no value in sexual aversion,

Never allow the mistress woman to interact with your spouse; remember, the goal is to ALWAYS protect the house,

Never fall victim to the words of a woman who has not your best interest at heart,

Never align yourself with a woman who, from the start, is filled with deceit,

Never let a woman drag you to defeat,

Most importantly, never worship a woman like God no matter how good the

so-called love feels and never, never ever, give a woman the power to break your will…

The Beauty of it all...

2008-04-28T10:11:00.006-06:00

Last October, I began an in-depth prayer process which consisted of asking God for an opportunity to pursue a doctorate. The process led to applying at the following universities: University of Utah, Oklahoma State University, Mercer University and the University of Oklahoma. The good news is the final choice comes down to the former and the latter, the bad news is it must be made by Friday.

I grew up in a house where if you pray to God and your prayers go unanswered what you wanted was either out of the Will of God or it was not your time to receive the blessing--the third choice was your prayer was not specific enough to warrant a response. The flipside is, I was never told what to do if you pray for something and God opens several doors to the point where you have to choose between which blessings you want.

Luckily, I've had the opportunity to visit both universities, the former in January and the latter on last week when I was interviewed by the faculty (intimidating X 1000).

Interestingly, I prayed for the opportunity, met a random stranger at the Los Angeles NCAN conference, applied to the University of Utah and several opportunities presented themselves.

Initially, I didn't want to apply to the University of Oklahoma, in fact, I applied the day before the deadline. I was afraid, yes me, to take the interview, which didn't go in my favor, but before I can get out of the parking lot, upon its conclusion, I get a congratulatory call from professor telling me I'm accepted!

Unbelievable...

...to date, I am beside myself with which direction to select, however, one thing is for certain, I'm on my way towards Bryan K Hotchkins, Ph.D., of this I am very much proud considering just three years I didn't know where I wanted to be in the world of education.

In closing, either choice will change the dynamics of my family tree, forever...

I'm Sorry, but...

2008-04-22T09:05:00.004-06:00

Lately, I've been cleaning house, starting with myself (almost done). Next, I'll focus on adding to and eliminating persons within my social circle. In attempting to weight the importance of who matters, I've contemplated which attributes of a so-called friend are necessary--the list is five deep:

Loyalty
Mutual Admiration
Always Tell Me What I Need to Hear
Protect Me from Myself
Be Godly, e. g. aspire to be righteous

The purpose of this post was to explore the words, "I'm Sorry". What do they actually mean and why do people use the term. When I say "I'm sorry," its an admission to my wrong doing toward a person, more importantly, afterwards, I make an effort not to repeat the offense. Something I never say is "I'm sorry you feel my remarks were wrong...," this implies I've done nothing wrong; you just misunderstood what I said. I think some people say "I'm sorry," because they are hurting for hurting you. Some say it because they know if they do you'll forgive them for their actions. Some say it because it makes them feel good; keep in mind they are not apologizing for what they did--therapeutic. Some say it in hopes God will take note of their sorrowful acknowledgement. Some say it in order to get in your panties; note, women are a sukka for apologies especially if its tear-filled. Some say it in order to get you to take them shopping; note, SOME men are a damn fool for apologies especially if its done on your knees. Some say it because they know you'll tell your friends they said "sorry" and it will make them look good. Some say it because they were taught to say it. Some say it to make the situation better.

However, some say it in effort to further get you to let down your guard so they can continue abusing you; this is the absolute worst reason to say "I'm sorry"--unfortunately, people do it every day. Why do you say it, if ever you do?

I was told a long time ago, "baby, people only do things for two reasons, because they are afraid they'll lose something or in effort to gain something".

Ironic ain't it...

Friends w/Benefits

2008-04-16T07:29:00.003-06:00

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine who has the so-called "other woman". She is cool, confident playing her role as Second First Lady and claims she will be by his side for all of eternity or until he gets a divorce and decides to be with someone other than her. In fact, she has told him several times if you ever get a divorce, I want it to just be you and I and you can't cheat on me... In the words of one of my friends, "Are you serious right now?"

Here is where I began to not understand the mentality of the OTHER woman. I've dated someones' wife. She was 20 years my Senior, and in doing so, I never once believed we'd share anything other than a bed and great conversation. The entire relationship was an exchange of sorts, I gave her attention/sex and she exposed me to the societal elite/hidden rules of the upper class. She ended it as fast as it began, guess she grew bored, afterall, what more could I offer? Nothing!

Back to the OTHER woman, what interest me is her belief he'll not want to cheat on her when she represented how to cheat, how to deceive and how to lie. Another issue is, how the OTHER woman demands he'll not cheat on her once they get together; truly amazing. The third thing is why is being the OTHER woman cool, but having the man you love cheat on you with the OTHER woman not cool?

Love is definitely strong and has a way of making one blind to the facts, as Flavor Flav would say, but honestly, if I were the OTHER man I definitely wouldn't demand I not be cheated on because I wouldn't want to have anything remotely special someone's wife. Especially, if I've already had her again, again, again and again.

The flip side of love is the emotional affair, which is the most powerful because it controls one's heart, emotions and actions at times. Would I engage in such an act...

Until next post!!!

Promoting the Craft

2008-04-10T10:45:00.003-06:00

I'm not typically into so-called excessive promotion of fraternal organizations, however, I believe I've made a personal breach. Do you like, opinions please?

I am…

2008-04-09T14:54:00.000-06:00

I am the Pastor, person assigned to lead,
Chosen to divest myself of all superfluities,
In effort to clearly articulate Christ’s needs of man,

I am the Confidant, person selected to heed,
God’s laws, commandments and all righteousness despite my flesh,
In order to extend his love so that you can fell the blessedness,
Given for following his Heavenly plan,

I am the Warrior, person ready to be the first to bleed,
The first to die for that which I believe,
In addition, I’ll follow where ever the Holy Spirit leads,
Because I will, not because I can,

I am Imperfection Personified, therefore I strive to daily die hoping I succeed,

I am Wise, continually renewed by the scriptures I read,

I am a Vessel, questing to find my soul freed,

I am not the “I am that I am,”
The God of Jacob, Issac and Abraham,
However, I am a champion for the body of Christ,

Which is why...

I am

The Next Step

2008-04-05T18:09:00.004-06:00

...today a better man has been made in the untainted image of God, born yet again, charged with building a greater humanity. I am now a Master Mason.

I Wish a Nigger Would...

2008-03-28T19:44:00.003-06:00

The beauty of posting an anonymous comment is being able to hide behind the words. I do get it. No need to be a coward, be heard, please, but don't do so under cloak. The situation will work itself out, it always does. Also, if anyone needs to speak to me concerning any issue, do so directly. I'm more than available, otherwise, keep the fuck off my blog...

...in the words of DMX, "Get at Me Dog!"

SLUMPFACADE@GMAIL.COM

Checkmate

2008-03-27T19:49:00.003-06:00

THE GOAL OF CHESS IS TO WIN THE GAME BY PROTECTING YOUR KING, NOT THE QUEEN, ROOK, BISHOP, KNIGHT OR PAWN...

Unless your goal is to create a Stalemate, which means neither side wins.

The Obama Effect

2008-03-21T08:52:00.002-06:00

I've been covering the campaign of Obama--the mishaps, the triumphs and most recently, his speech on race. Experiencing his words, which were not as eloquent as Dr. King's I Have a Dream speech, has caused a bit of introspection to the point where I've asked myself the following question: Do I know any white persons that I can call a true friend or have I primarily been experiencing whiteness, but never on an intimate level?

The answer to the question is no, I've yet to know a white person I feel I can call a friend on an intimate level. Upon further self-exploration, I don't know how this realization makes me feel. I wonder if I have not been diligent enough in making myself available for white friendship? I contemplate whether I should feel guilty for not having developed friendships with white people? In retrospect, what have I missed by not developing those friendships? Is it my responsibility to reach out to white people in effort to build relationships?

Obama mentioned the state of both Black/White resentment, what is my role in diffusing it, eliminating stereotypes and making an effort to close the gap of understanding concerning our two cultures? In building a legacy, is it necessary for African Americans to build bridges which reach into the white community, if not for us, for our children? In directly connecting our ultimate success to "who we know", how important is it that most of those persons be white?

I have a million questions...

In short, I guess I regret not being able to have an honest dialogue, with a white friend, about the status of race relations in America. How do any of you feel concerning the thoughts I've shared? I'd love to read your comments...

2008-03-20T07:57:00.003-06:00

FACT: The Tuskegee Experiment actually happened to African Americans.

PROOF: "The United States government did something that was wrong—deeply, profoundly, morally wrong. It was an outrage to our commitment to integrity and equality for all our citizens... clearly racist."—President Clinton's apology for the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment to the eight remaining survivors, May 16, 1997.

QUESTION: If the American government has a legacy of poisoning her citizens, why is it such a stretch for Whites to not understand why African Americans may believe A. I. D. S. was created to aid in the elimination of American races which represent the minority, e. g. African Americans?

American Day?

2008-03-19T07:45:00.004-06:00

Monday was St. Patrick's Day!!! In short, it taught a brief lesson about Holiday colonization. I had SEVERAL white co-workers who were surprised to see me not adorning something green. Yes, the ladies pinched, the men asked, "what, no green today?" Its almost like they expected me to honor the holiday even though I'm not Irish. Yes, I'm a Boston Celtics fan, but damn!!! In contrast, I've never walked around the office saying, "Where's my gift, its the third day of Kwanzaa, you don't celebrate it?"

What really brought attention to the revelation was when a white co-worker called me unpatriotic for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Next Juneteenth, I'll walk up to her with my American flag and ask why she isn't celebrating the REAL day of independence when ALL Americans were actually free. I wonder what her response will be, regardless, I'll call her unpatriotic for not acknowledging her ancestors place in slavery. How about that there?

Amen walls!!!

Purpose II

2008-03-10T07:31:00.002-06:00

Transformation is a beautiful transition. It is one rooted in letting go of the past, while grasping the future in effort to preserve the present. It is inevitable an experience we all must face, embrace or reject; yet it will eventually take us toward destiny. I have always believed, as members of humanity, our lives ultimately come down to ONE decision which will effect the rest of our lives. The question is, when the moment arrives, will you know this is the ONE decision. I have made two major decisions, either of which could be the ONE--I have yet to find out. The first, was to attend college (undergraduate) instead of become a member of the U. S. Marines, the second was to embrace the spiritual gifts granted, given to me by God.

The former broadened my inter/intrapersonal skills, expanded my ability to think critically and provided instruction concerning how to build social capital. The latter is preparing me for something just over the horizon.

Sidebar: I am a comic fanatic. X-Men, Spiderman, Spawn, Superman, Batman, Justice League--you name it, I know it intimately. The beauty of comics is, for the reader, they provide an escape from the complexities of "real" life. In fact, there is something inherently intriguing about being to aid in "saving" the earth's inhabitants from inevitable destruction or the temporary threat of a bad guy every now and again.

As of last year, I've invested an inordinate amount of time following the 4400 and Heroes, two television shows about persons who have acquired "special" powers. The former implies the individuals received their abilities from aliens, while the mystery of the latter power source is yet to be determined. The interesting thing about Heroes is the origins of the powers remain unexplained. In my estimation, super abilities are given to individuals one of three ways:

1) Accident, e. g. Peter Parker being bitten by a radioactive spider, becoming Spiderman.
2) Genetically, by being born with the mutant gene which is passed by both parents like Sickle Cell.
3) Divine Intervention, gifts granted by God for a divine purpose.

The third proposition interest me the most--what if God actually grants individuals super powers, supernatural, in effort to serve or carry out a divine purpose? How would such knowledge be accepted, interpreted by humanity? If you could save the world, would you?

These questions, thoughts brought me to a direct possibility...

1 Corinthians, 12:4-11

There is a variety of gifts but always the same Spirit; there are sorts of service to be done, but always to the same Lord; working in all sorts of different ways in different people, it is the same God who is working in all of them. The particular was in which the Spirit is given to each person is for a good purpose. One may have the gift of preaching with wisdom given him by the Spirit; another may have the gift of preaching instruction given him by the same Spirit; and another the gift of faith given by the same Spirit; another again the gift of healing, through this one Spirit; one, the power of miracles; another, prophecy; another the gift of recognizing spirits; another the gift of tongues and another the ability to interpret them. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, who distributes different gifts to different people just as he chooses.

If you've been reading my blog the first post PURPOSE alluded to spiritual gifts. Upon taking a brief test, I found my spiritual gifts to be:
Leadership
Faith
Administration
...are my DOMINATE gifts

Wisdom
Exhortation
Teaching
Service
Leading Worship
...were my SUBORDINATE gifts.

If you get a moment visit the following web addy, you may find yourself shocked:
http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/

Final note, please don't take this post as love mongering or an attempt to push God's gifts all on you in a violent spiritual fashion; as usual, just want to expose you, the reader, my friends, to an alternative way of viewing the not so obvious.

If you visit the site, post your gifts on this post, I'd like to know your supernatural powers...

Reflections

2008-03-04T10:47:00.002-06:00

DNA,
cellular creation,
contemplation,
elation,
determination,
=
dream obliteration,
what is the point of belonging to a family,
especially, if no one supports your dreams deferred,
especially, if each time dreams matured,
you were told,
"you've failed too often in the past,"
dreams met with laughs,
dreams killed on behalf of those who "love" you,
so-called, more than those who barely know the dreams,
born to die,
aborted to the point where dreaming is what "used" to occur,
hear the whisper?

"You'll never be able to accomplish,
to publish,"
in actuality,
what they love is watching you quit,
before you begin,
the loss is more important than the win,
to them,
you'll never out live their legacy, no matter how small,
fall you must, along with your illusions of grandeur,
unless you make yourself pure via separation...

Happy Birthday!!!

2008-03-03T10:34:00.002-06:00

In honor of the Iota Omicron chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha, Southern Methodist University, this post has been made--03.03.90, marking the birth of LOOSE ENDS, consisting of the following:

ONYX (Bryan Hotchkins)

MELLO YELLO (Marc Patrick)

BUDDA (Corey Capers)

EINSTEIN (Carlton Green)

CORNBREAD (John K. Roberts)

Happy B-Day gentlemen!!!!

Purpose

2008-02-19T09:45:00.002-06:00

...this is my 251st post. Yesterday was my B-Day, I did quite a bit of reflecting, introspection, looking into my Johari Window to witness my soul in action, in effort to begin finding my "place" on this earth. I typically utilize this blog to write poems, bare my being, attempt to make you laugh or think differently--this post is yet another attempt, enjoy.

SPIRITUAL GIFT DEFINITIONS AND SCRIPTURE REFERENCES

The following contains suggested definitions of the spiritual gifts as defined by the Bible in no particular order. This is not meant to be dogmatic or final, these definitions and supporting Scriptures do correspond to the characteristics of the gifts as expressed in most evangelical and reformed thinking.

1. HELPS: The ability to invest the talents one has in the life and ministry of other members of the body, thus enabling those others to increase the effectiveness of their own spiritual gifts. Mark 15:4041 Acts 9:36 Romans 16:1-2 I Corinthians 12:28

2. LEADERSHIP: The ability to set goals in accordance with God’s purpose for the future and to communicate those goals to others in such a way that they voluntarily and harmoniously work together to accomplish those goals for the glory of God. Acts 15:7-11 Romans 12:8 I Timothy 5:17 Hebrews 13:17

3. HOSPITALITY: The ability to provide an open house and a warm welcome to those in need of food and lodging. Acts 16:14-15 Romans 12:9-13 Romans 16:23 Hebrews 13:1-2 I Peter 4:9

4. SERVICE: The ability to identify the unmet needs involved in a task related to God’s work, and to make use of available resources to meet those needs and help accomplish the desired results. Acts 6:1-7 Romans 12:7 Galatians 6:2 II Timothy 1:16-18 Titus 3:14

5. ADMINISTRATION: The ability to understand clearly the immediate and long-range goals of a particular unit of the body of Christ and to devise and execute effective plans for the accomplishment of those goals. Luke 14:28-30 Acts 6:1-7 I Corinthians 12:28

6. DISCERNMENT: The ability to know with assurance whether certain behavior purported to be of God is in reality divine, human or satanic. The purpose of this gift is to prevent confusion and false teaching from infiltrating the church. Matthew 16:21-23 Acts 5:1-11 Acts 16:16-18 I Corinthians 12:10 I John 4:1-6

7. FAITH: The ability to discern with extraordinary confidence the will and purpose of God, and to propel the body of believers into actively claiming the promises of God. Acts 11:22-24 Romans 4: 18-21 I Corinthians 12:9 Hebrews 11

8. MUSIC: The ability to use one’s voice in the singing of praises to the Lord for the benefit of others, or to play a musical instrument to praise the Lord and for the benefit of others. Remember God is always the audience in worship! Deuteronomy 3 1:22 I Samuel 16:16 I Chronicles 16:4142 II Chronicles 5: 12-13 II Chronicles 34:12 Psalm 150

9. LANGUAGES/TONGUES: The ability to speak a divinely anointed message in a language one has never learned, but one that is known to the hearers. Its purpose is an evangelistic tool for spreading the gospel. Mark 16:17 Acts 2:1-13 Acts 10:44-46 Acts 19:1-7 (Make sure you follow the precepts of I Cor.14!)

10. MIRACLES - The ability to serve as a human intermediary through whom it pleases God to perform powerful acts that are perceived by observers to have altered the ordinary course of nature. Acts 9:36-42 Acts 19:11-20 Acts 20:7-12 Romans 15:18-19 I Corinthians 12:10, 28

11. CRAFTSMANSHIP: The ability to use one’s hands, thoughts and mind to further the kingdom of God through artistic, creative means. People with this gift may also serve to lead others in forming their abilities in this area. The gift may also be used in the areas of maintenance, care and upkeep for the benefit and beautification of God’s kingdom here on earth. Exodus 30:22-25 Exodus 31:3-11 II Chronicles 34:9-13 Acts 18:2-3

12. HEALING: The ability to serve as a human intermediary through whom God’s healing power is applied to another person’s physical or emotional need. Acts 3:1-10 Acts 5:12-16 Acts 9:32-35 Acts 28:7-10 I Corinthians 12:9, 28

13. GIVING: The ability to contribute material resources to the work of the Lord with liberality and cheerfulness. Mark 12:41-44 Romans 12:8 II Corinthians 8:1-7 II Corinthians 9:2-8

14. MERCY: The ability to feel genuine empathy and compassion for individuals who suffer distressing physical, mental or emotional problems, and to translate that compassion into cheerfully-done deeds which reflect Christ’s love and alleviate the sufferings as well as motivate others to help. Matthew 9:35,36 Mark 9:41 I Thess. 5:14

15. WISDOM: The ability to apply spiritual truth to a specific issue in a specifically relevant fashion, and to make proper choices in difficult situations, based on sufficient information. Acts 6:3,10 I Corinthians 2:1-13 I Corinthians 12:8 James 1:5 II Peter 3:15

16. KNOWLEDGE: The ability to discover, accumulate, analyze and clarify information which is pertinent to the growth and well-being of the body. Acts 5:1-11 I Corinthians 12:8 II Corinthians 11:6 Colossians 2:2-3

17. EXORTATION: The ability to minister words of encouragement, consolation, comfort and motivation from God’s Word to help others complete their tasks and be all that God want them to be. Acts 4:32-37 Acts 14:22 Romans 12:8 I Timothy 4:13 Hebrews 10:24.25

18. TEACHINIG: The ability to employ a logical, systematic approach to Biblical study and to communicate information relevant to the health and ministry of the body and its members in such a way that others will learn. Acts 18:24.28 Acts 20:20-21 I Corinthians 12:28 Ephesians 4:11-14

19. PASTOR/SHEPHERD: The ability to assume a long-term personal responsibility for the spiritual welfare of a group of believers. John 10:1-18 Ephesians 4:11-14 I Timothy 3:1-7 I Peter 5:1-3

20. APOSTLESHIP: The ability to assume and exercise general leadership over a number of churches, with an extraordinary authority in spiritual matters, which is spontaneously recognized and appreciated by those churches. Such as a bishop. This is not the same as the original 12 Apostles or Paul! Acts 15:1-2 I Corinthians 12:28 II Corinthians 12:12 Galatians 2:7-10 Ephesians 3:1-9 Ephesians 4:11-14

21. MISSIONARY: The ability to minister with whatever other spiritual gifts one has in another land or culture. Acts 8:4 Acts 13:2-3 Acts 22:21 Romans 10:15 I Corinthians 9:19-23

22. PROPHECY: The ability to proclaim the Word of God with divine anointing, which brings conviction to the hearers so they recognize that it is truly the Word of God and they must do something about it. A prophet is also someone who keeps the church on God’s path and truth and makes sure we do not slip into false teaching. This is not the same as an OT prophet, which existed before the Word was completed! Acts 2:37-40; Mat ‘7:54 Acts 26:24-29 I Corinthians 14:1,3 I Thessalonians 1:5

23. EVANGELISM: The ability to share the gospel with unbelievers in such a way that men and women become Jesus’ disciples and responsible members of the body of Christ. Acts 8:5-6 Acts 8:26-40 Acts 14:21 Acts 21:8 Ephesians 4:11-14 II Timothy 4:5

24. PRAYER/INTERCESSION: The ability to pray for extended periods of time on a regular basis and see frequent and specific answers to prayer, to a degree much greater than that, which is experienced by most Christians. All Christians are to exercise this, but the gifted person will go beyond. Luke 22:41-u Acts 12:12 Colossians 1:9-12 Colossians 4:12-13 I Timothy 2:1-2 James 5:14-16

DJ Song Request

2008-02-06T09:42:00.001-06:00

If I were a song writer, this would be my first single entitled Sweet Tea...

Captured in a jar for the pleasure of those who thirst,
let me be the first to drink, ego shrink,
lips pink tasting like candy cotton,
making me rotten, spoiled in a good way,
its a great day whenever I get fill,
swallow, leaving still legs on the shiver,
allowing cupid to watch, Sliver,
please deliver a gallon to my door step,
I'm getting too wet from the sweat...

Sweet Tea,
Plenty to go around, but I've found mine
and I'm not going to share,
Sweet Tea,
Do you hear the sound, rose petals falling down,
see the glare, of love's light burn,
you only get one turn, hope its true,
Sweet Tea
All I want to do is taste you...

Caught up by the taste,
love the expression on your face,
stagger in your step, liquid flesh,
this is the best love I’ve ever known,
lemon smelling skin tone,
sexy scent, kiss like peppermint,
meant to be, definitely God sent,
hands on your waist,
this space is my favorite place,
where ever you lead, I’ll follow,
bend this pitcher over, swallow…

Sweet Tea,
Plenty to go around, but I've found mine
and I'm not going to share,
Sweet Tea,
Do you hear the sound, rose petals falling down,
see the glare, of love's light burn,
you only get one turn, hope its true,
Sweet Tea
All I want to do is taste you...

Akward Post #1

2008-02-01T16:09:00.000-06:00

Guess why, Chicken cry because he's cold,

Guess when, Chicken chin stuck in an intimate hole,

Guess who, Chicken flu, he's sick,

Guess how, Chicken scowl,

Guess where, Chicken stare, see him looking crazy,

Guess what, Chicken slut, just naked waiting...

I can not stop laughing!

Question of the Week?

2008-01-28T08:23:00.000-06:00

If, as a Christian, you are a believer, why do you ever worry?

I sat in church this Sunday contemplating purpose, life journey, how negative action effects the bestowing of blessings, free will, transformation thru death, generational curses, following man (preachers), walking in God's will, personal vs. divine will, premonitions vs. dreams, Demons vs. Angels, eternity in Heaven vs. Hell-----I have yet to reach any sound answers; the more questions posed bring about more questions. However, I did have time to ask the aforementioned question, if you have an answer, I'd love to read it.

...be blessed...

Paging the Past

2008-01-17T17:14:00.000-06:00

Consider this message a request,
Niseanda Robinson,
please give me a call on the cell at your earliest.

Thank you...

Dedication (How I Feel About You)

2008-01-14T20:54:00.000-06:00

"I'd rather be a ghost which roams the earth by your side, than to enter Heaven now and be separated from your love until you pass on..."

...Slumpfacade

NYE Resolution (Top 5)

2008-01-03T11:16:00.000-06:00

1) Begin the Ph.D. quest
2) Become a member of a "secret society"
3) Find a new friend within a stranger, and an enemy
4) Develop a knowledge, wisdom and understanding of God's purpose for my life
5) Read a book a month

1a) Find out with whom my wife is having an affair
2a) Acquire the winning lotto numbers for each Powerball drawing this year
3a) Take a Viagra to see if the side effects last four hours (I may need some help)
4a) Pray for a reverse rapture in effort to get rid of all the fools, evil-doers
5a) Incorporate the word "Pontificate" in a sentence at least once a day

Quote of the New Year (2008)

2008-01-03T11:05:00.000-06:00

The Great Debaters...

"Who is the judge? The judge is God... Why is He God? Because He decides who wins or loses, not my opponent ... Who is your opponent? He does not exist.... Why doesn’t he exist? Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak."

Just Awesome! In other words, the Lord is in control, not the devil and only the truth of the Lord will prevail…….for the devil does not speak the truth, only lies…….

A. Scrooge

2007-12-17T16:02:00.000-06:00

Let me be the first to say, the winter holidays are amongst my favorite!!! It is the time of year when smiles are made, drank is consumed and people eat way beyond their limits. Those who can, give, those who can not, receive. It is always a win, win situation, at least until now. I do not know who began the trend, but I swear, upon finding out ass is going to get whooped! All of my recent anger stems from receiving the "ungift" from several persons, who shall remain nameless. How does the "ungift" work? Let me explain.

Johnny and Carl exchange gifts each winter holiday, have done so for at least 10 years. However, this year, since Carl has been spending far too much time at the local Starbucks having conversations about changing the world--this year he decides to do so without telling Johnny. Johnny, on the other hand, purchases Carl a nice stainless steel wine rack/refrigerator complete with three bottles of his favorite Frank Coppola BLACK LABEL Cabernet Sauvignon ($100 per).

The moment of gift exchange has arrived!!!!

Johnny tells Carl, "Happy Holiday, I got you something to help you with your drinking fetish!" Carl opens the gifts with little excitement, says, "thank you, now its time for you to open my gift to you." Carl hands Johnny a micro-thin envelope and says, "Happy Holiday, I got you something to change your spirits!" Johnny opens it to find a certificate reading, "Your willingness to show love during this holiday time has been greatly appreciated, the handi-capped Ukrainian worker who received a wheelchair (in your name) really needed your blessing."

...of course, in the aforementioned example, Johnny thanks Carl for helping him make a difference (in his name) then proceeds to toast to the holiday, celebrating by having a glass of the BLACK LABEL. I'm no Scrooge, but Hell Nawl!!! I don't want anyone who remotely thinks they want to purchase me a gift to donate anything (in my name), I want my gift. My best friend told me his boss announced the following at their profit-sharing Christmas party...
"Fellow employees, this is the best year of profit we have experienced since the inception of the company which is why, (in your name) 50 families will eat Christmas dinner!!!" He said, "Dawg, I was mad as Hell!" The announcement put him in a precarious situation, if he request his cut of the bonus people will think he is an ass so withholds his true feelings and takes one for the time.

Just for the record, you don't have to give 20 prosthetic limbs (in my name) or give 50 blankets for the homeless people (in my name) or provide three meals a day to a child in Africa (in my name); the best you can do is purchase my gift and hand it to me. Besides, how do I know the kid in Honduras received the 15 bags of tea soil to plant crops in the desert? I don't know, exactly...

The lesson of the post, if you want to get me something for the holidays, feel free to purchase a bowtie; preferably, stripped in the following colours: black/gold, purple/gold, crimson/cream, royal blue/white or brown/gold, pink/green, royal blue/yellow...
...those who know, know!!!

Dating Age?

2007-12-12T11:33:00.000-06:00

I have never been a proponent of on-line dating, but a few of my "professional friends" actually have accounts on EHARMONY and MATCH.COM. It is absolutely amazing!!! Most of them are extreme work-alcoholics who spend most of their free time thinking about the next corporate takeover, navigating the glass ceiling or profit margins. They are all sexy, even the guys, well-educated individuals who are single, white-collar workers who claim they are unable to meet someone on "their level". I will abstain from giving my personal opinion about dating excuses, but after reading their personal ads I had to write one for myself. If I were looking this is what I would say...

"Well-spoken, intellectual buppie who has a penchant for the written, spoken word. Charming, clairvoyant, mature, eccentric conservative wanting an escape from life’s everyday issues, concerns and drama. Looking for excellent conversation with someone who is easy on the eyes and smart as a whip. Desperately seeking her."

How does this read?

How would your personal ad read?

No anonymous post, I will delete!!!

Obsessed Love

2007-12-05T16:42:00.000-06:00

He is unable to stop, consumed with HER,
not on a superficial level, on one which rivals the Heavens,
leaving him as uneven as breast hanging like slaves,
emotions dangling, falling from his heart like tears of a clown,
the feeling of being unnoticed abounds,
down toward Hell depths,
down on crystal stair steps,
down where Jesus wept,
a painful journey,
hunger for certainty,
which lacks like racial harmony, equity,
voluntarily oppressive like hegemony,
in pursuit of a beautiful love,
like those who self-mutilate,
who self-hate,
looking for an all encompassing escape attached to HER,
leaving him lingering, hanging on like the vestiges of segregation,
leaving him patient until she says, "no",
until she say, "leave me alone",
until he stands above, watching her fall fall like snow below,
disappearing like blown breath from aching mouths,
looking for a way out similar to HIM before finding an object of HIS desire...

Y Ask Y?

2007-11-27T08:58:00.000-06:00

What is the difference between being in love and obsession?

Super Nova

2007-11-20T10:26:00.001-06:00

An explosion typically destroys all without,
“he stood over her trembling body, horrified, unstable,
she uncontrollably wept, overly concerned about the next step,”

An implosion destroys all within,
“he left the room, locked the door, fell to the floor,
wishing to be alone no more, swallowed all 150 pills,”

An explosion typically destroys all without,
“filled with blind rage, he freed her from their caged relationship,
with the flick of a wrist, her blue blood slowly dripped,
seeped, slipped through the fingerprints of his stained hands,
like fine white sand, blowing on foreign beaches,
leaving her still like blue seas in the Summer,
still like premature birth,
still like desecrated earth prior to being violated,
still due to his hatred.”

An implosion destroys all within,
“haste made waste,
the sound of roaring police sirens filled the air like sprayed mace,
entering ajar entrance,
seeing letter of atonement, repentance,
pool of vomit, plasma,
the remains of dogma personified,
what happens when so-called love goes awry.”

An explosion typically destroys all without,
An implosion destroys all within,
when men bow to uncontrollable emotion,
love often loses…

Miss HIV Poem, "The Reaper"

2007-11-16T08:01:00.000-06:00

Approximately one month ago I was asked to offer a piece in effort to raise awareness concerning the impact of HIV, AIDS in conjunction with the upcoming movie MISSHIV. It took all of about eight minutes to write the poem "Immunity?". As an author, it was the first time I was challenged to draft a poem per the request of an entity, persons. In doing so, I was allowed the opportunity to have the presentation of the piece video tapped, I hope you like it. Click this link, http://www.egm.tv/, which will take you directly to the website. Click on "SAY", then click, "The Reaper". Upon watching, tell me what you think, as usual, be honest...

The I's Have It X

2007-11-13T10:38:00.000-06:00

...I don't mind being used, but I hate being discarded.

...I am falling out of love with myself; ignorance is bliss.

...I think you think I am here for an eternity, think again.

...I appreciate your need for balance (between he & I), but the worse I treat you, the more you seem to like it.

...I believe sleep after sex is absolutely the best; probably why I haven't slept in days.

...I wonder why white folk are afraid of black male intellect.

...I certainly hope you know what you are doing, swapping love for money is dangerous.

...I think you think you tough!

...I wonder why you have a good man, yet continue to dog him out.

...I think love by any other name would not sound as sweet.

...I have absolutely no desire to write poetry.

...I still don't know why you cut your damn hair off.

...I will get into grad school.

...I feel like I am in a free fall.

...I am suprised this blog world has actually become a suppliment to my life, meaningful.

...I am that I am...

Regrets

2007-11-05T13:08:00.000-06:00

...so much is running through my head, this is what came out when I tried to speak...

Pleading
These words uttered, vibrations of air,
represent a defense mechanism,
causing pain like shards of glass thrown with the purpose of slicing,
knife-like, when used at just the right moments,
deadening, numbing, repulsive,
not to be used as an excuse,
activated whenever emotions protrude,
damaging barrier, but not meant for you,
specifically designed for those who carelessly stomp dreams,
tear at the seems self-esteem which took years to build,
gone in moments leaving still internal carnage,
leaving a steel wool heart, heartless incarnate,
leaving standing over stool moments,
sleepless nights, lack of hunger,
alcoholic induced vomit fits as attempts to TRY to move forward,
all in vain,
when in pain, lashing out appears to be the remedy,
the solution to being empty,
having you represents innocence, purity as a counterbalance to filth,
a juxtaposition to guilt felt for truly being unable to love in the right manner,
would rather splatter brains in vain knowing second chance opportunities are gone,
would rather slit wrists than know our "experience" will never revisit this place we've built called "our own",
would rather admit loving you is better than loving myself,
would rather admit death is better than your love somewhere else,
somewhere felt by someone who has no appreciation,
someone who doesn't lose concentration at the sound of your voice,
someone who benefited from my choice to be verbally abusive,
intrusive of your essence, leaving me yearning for your presence,
like past for the present afraid to accept a future which is absent of you...

Pleading II
I'm hurting, which is the only time I'm vicious,
because I'm unable to manage the magic,
to hold it all in the balance,
unable to tune out the static,
to see how tragic it is without completion,
you represent a season for growth,
please forgive my inability,
lack of maturity concerning having the "best" woman in the entire world,
please stay...

Pleading III
I don't know what else to do.
I'm horrible at love.
I stay on the defensive.
I have abandonment issues.
I long for balance.
I want our love to be equal.
I find it difficult to breath.
I PROMISE TO NEVER SPEAK TO YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN!
I need you to please forgive me so we can move forward.
I hurt, in the future I'll discuss it without acting out.
I was taught to do so.
I make no excuses.
I am sick.

Colonization Is Alive & Well

2007-11-05T07:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, my daughter told me she wanted blonde hair. I was not appalled, she's transitioning into her first pre-dominantly white private school where she is only one of two African American children. Luckily, she's been immersed in "blackness", almost too much, so I can understand her curiosity with what is appearing foreign. The good news is her speech, which was becoming Ghetto fab after a stint in the YMCA Summer school program, is evolving. No more "Pop, Lock and Drop It", songs are being sung when I pick her up, though her singing Hanna Montana isn't necessarily my first choice. In assessing her comments, I'm realizing one thing; either my children will be educated in private schools where they run the risk of losing their racial identity or attend inferior public schools which will have them ultimately ill prepared for college.

The bottom line is, I'd rather my children attempt to mimic whiteness than adopt niggerish ways. I too, like Chris Rock, "love black folk, but I hate niggers..."

Crimson Tide

2007-10-24T19:02:00.000-06:00

It was the first day of woman hood, however, a fertile womb does not a woman make.
Kelly was only twelve years of age, her demeanor, 25 years her Senior. She stood in the bathroom attempting to analyze the blood in her favorite pair of panties; it stained her jeans as well. Today was picture day at her middle school, she did not wish to be late, fate, however, had different plans. Jan, her mother, who had been patiently waiting in the car, opened the bathroom door and spoke, “I see your journey from girl to woman has begun, fear not, the best is yet to come.”

Kelly smiled, walked into her room, put on her second favorite pair of panties, cotton shorts and a flannel hat. She headed off to school with her self-esteem higher than it was moments before her mother, acting like the moon, called in the tides of shame crashing against her confidence.

The Final Error

2007-10-24T18:54:00.000-06:00

Bill loved to hunt, bears where his favorite prey. He loved the challenge in slaying one of the most feared animals in nature. Bill was a creature of habit, usually. When preparing for his hunting excursions, he’d perform the same ritual; arise early, load his gun, dress, eat and head to the forest.

Today he was tracking a Black Grizzly, native to the northern hills of Colorado, in hopes of catching a bear; a formidable prize. The 5th Annual North American Trapper’s convention was in two days, Bill wanted to dominate the conversation with his exaggerated stories of how he bagged the big game.

After three hours of waiting, he spotted his prey. He looked for his shotgun. While reaching, he broke a tree branch alerting the bear. The bear began approaching, ready to attack! Bill grabbed his gun, pointed it at the bear as it leapt toward him and pulled the trigger. Click, nothing happened, then…

Bill forgot his gun!

Now his head is sitting on the mantle next to Goldielock’s in the middle of the Black Grizzly bear’s living room...

Vessel

2007-10-24T15:27:00.000-06:00

It likens to swimming in pools of acid,
slowly eating within, escaping, leaving a void without,
similar to falling 1000 stories,
meeting pavement to get up close, personal,
like slitting one's wrist, watching blue blood turn red,
turn purple,
similar to losing one's head,
trying to vacate memories one bullet at a time,
one nine, one forty-five, more than 10 million ways to die,
but none hurt like this,
none instantly destroy bliss,
no absence reverberates an eternity,
knots tied tightly, aim for the corner of the ceiling, jump,
no problems, no quandaries,
barely able to muster 11th swig of vodka, no rocks,
chased by two trembling fists full of valium,
the volume of screaming is drowned out by the silence,
love drowned out by malice,
the glass palace shattered, unbreakable,
its inescapable,
nothing in this entire world hurts like heartache...

"Soul Swallow"

2007-10-18T09:34:00.001-06:00

Time is non-existent during "us" moments,
leading our intertwined steps forward,
toward spiritual atonement for not being able to give more,
leaving me wanting to share all I have to offer,
cleanse my emotional coffers,
empty my essence deep into the crevices of your excellence,
you're my little overachiever,
until death due us is a shallow commitment,
especially since I've been in love with you in a previous life time,
currently experiencing you as a life line,
oxygen is secondary,
your love is nourishing,
I'm never waiting to exhale,
wanting to inhale from losing breath when we kiss,
needing to rest after tasting your insatiability, at least four times daily,
patiently looking forward to hearing you say, "I do",
submitting myself to your passion is the ritual,
a rights of passage, for I am only a man when I stand next to you...

Mirror Images

2007-10-16T06:56:00.001-06:00

There are only two types of people in this world...

The have's, the have not's,
Those who are HIV Positive, those who are HIV Positive and don't know it,
Those who are saved, those who damned headed for Hell,
Those who are humble, those who are about to be humbled,
Those who are passive, those who are aggressive,
Those who are loving, those who are hateful,
Those who are lost, those who are found,
Those who are grateful, those who are inappreciative,
Those who are insecure, those who are confidently secure,
Those who are truthful, those who are deceitful,
Those who are winners, those who are Champions,
Those who are in love, those who are in love with the concept of love,
Those who are friends, those who are friends with the enemy,
Those who are opportunist, those who are unknowingly being used,
Those who are loyal, those who are loyal to the almighty dollar,
Those who are considerate, those who unconcerned,
Those who are attempting to be sinless, those who attempt to sin less,
Those who are worth the world, those who are worthless,
Those who build, those who destroy,
Those who are rich, those who are cut off from the network,
Those who are poor, those who have access to the network,
Those who eat off of others, those who feed themselves,
Those who understand the power of words, those who are ignorant,
Those who are unable to love because they don't love themselves,
...those who love too deeply because they don't love themselves...

Feel free to add to the list...

Immunity?

2007-10-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

His favorite sound has now become a mere drip, drop, drip,
captured, bed ridden, forced to pass time staring at saline solution bags,
while others are more concerned with Stem cell research,
race mixing and the burning of American flags,
he patiently awaits fate while clinging to liquid life lines,
slow death, his reward for love trusting moments gone awry,
not only one time, but several,
multiplied by the aggressive nature of devils fighting angels on a cellular level,
leaving shovels exhausted,
growing tired of moving warm earth for life purpose, now truncated,
filling graves with the results of hatred, misguided trust, rape, faith lost
and a belief there is no longer a safe place called home,
a good life flashing before his eyes,
blink, blink, blink,
exhale, gone…

The reaper is coming, the reaper is coming, the reaper is near, the reaper is here…

She now stands alone dealing with best friend abandonment,
ex-boyfriend being ashamed to visit and
sibling wonderment about same sexual orientation,
all making her feel like dangling from hanging
or taking one-woman vacations; she has now become an island,
on bent knee praying for Heavenly hydrants to wash away sin,
cleanse feminine temple from within,
without having to separate flesh from spirit,
return to a pure form, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
lust is often the first step toward a swift descent,
leaving the innocent tainted from blatant disregard,
1,000,000 lips begging God to right the wrong,
in this race the strong lose often,
the hard soften,
and though some loudly hope for man-made cures to endure,
realistic infected folk focus on being forgotten…”

The reaper is coming, the reaper is coming, the reaper is near, the reaper is here…

Born damned, HIV plus,
because an addict’s syringe is just another form of liquid escapism,
as is unprotected sex among strangers, even stranger,
poor, rich, black, white, straight, people are dying from AIDS,
living with volcanic-like soul rage,
so no, its not just the gays who are victims, its everyone,
and it happens each time a son’s or daughter’s laughter disappears,
STOP ALLOWING THE FEAR of wanting to not know control responsible action,
STOP USING THE GOD MADE IT FOR JUST SINNER excuse as a distraction,
STOP THINKING “I’LL NEVER BE THE ONE CONTRACTING,” because…

The reaper is coming, the reaper is coming, the reaper is near, the reaper is here…

America v. Hip Hop

2007-09-28T11:05:00.001-06:00

I stopped watching BET years ago after they wrongly terminated Tavis Smiley, scrapped Teen Summit and basically began to force videos to the forefront, thus, eliminating the positive/negative balance that is ultimately African American culture. As a former artist, this week, I made an effort to watch the America v. Hip Hop townhall meetings. It was absolutely eye-opening from the standpoint of an absence of both East, West coast emcees as well as record executives. However, the series was extremely informative in that there was a variety of topics covered: Is Hip Hop for Sale?, exploring the N-word and the differences between Civil Rights and Hip Hop generations.

The most fascinating segment dealt with discussing the origin of the N-word, after watching it, I've decided to actively not use it. As a parent, I have become more conservative, more aware of my actions, however, as a passionate supporter of Hip Hop, I knowingly justified all that is Hip Hop is based on freedom of speech. I do realize there are bitches, whores (male, female alike) and niggers in society, in my immediate circle and definitely surrounding me. I will neither allow my children to use the words nor do I want them called a bitch, whore or nigger. Admittedly, I am divided. As an adult, I use and apply the words to individuals who exhibit the behaviors associated with "those" type of persons. If I see a bitch, I say a bitch. If I see a nigger, I say a nigger (usually). As a writer, I realize the power of words, how they can shatter self-esteem, build confidence or simply defame. Do I think Hip Hop artists should censor themselves, Hell Nawl! Do I think Hip Hop artists are responsible for the actions of their listeners, Hell Nawl! Do I think the images found in the videos of Hip Hop artists are damaging to the collective BLACK psyche, Hell Yes, which is why I'm turning over a new leaf.

I've only purchased two Hip Hop cd's this year, Graduation & Curtis, but only because I wanted to be apart of history. Kanye is killing 50, but only because he is choosing to grow on wax, expose and expand himself while putting together some of the tightest track a Hip Hop cd has ever offered. Normally, I'm a disc burnologist because I refuse to pay for an entire cd of wack music; stick to the mix cd!!!!

...to make a long rant short, Hip Hop has potential, but because its currently in a materialistic phase I agree with Nas...Hip Hop is Dead!

Quote of the Week, #1 (Kanye West)

2007-09-24T07:16:00.000-06:00

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not...

Jena Six Issue

2007-09-20T08:31:00.001-06:00

I swore I wouldn't do this, but the streets are watching so I had to get out my pen and pad. Research being done, articles being read and talk radio opinions having been heard I now offer my own. There is no excuse for ignorance. There is something to be said for one on one combat, which is how men should handle business, not by resorting to gang attack tactics. I understand the climate, I can even appreciate wanting to react to a racists statement like hanging a noose, however, violence isn't the answer.

If the Jena Six were white, the black community would want their heads on a silver platter, want each of the white defendants to serve 100 years, probably want the white defendants to receive the death penalty. I've spoken to several African Americans who have tirelessly defended the actions of the African American teens based on them provoked. No amount of provoking, minus being spat on or hit, justifies six individuals stomping someone out like a fire. If I have a problem with you, I'm coming to see you by myself, not with my crew, alone. The act of the Jena Six was cowardice personified, however, the events surrounding their case were unfortunate and blatantly racists. Let's not lose focus here. The Jena Six were wrong in their actions. The three white students who hung the noose were wrong for their actions. The Superintendent was wrong for saying the noose act was just a "prank". The Jena Six situation is not necessarily about race, but more about violence. There are certain people who would say if the violent students were white, the victim was black there would be no outcry.

I disagree.

The bottom line is African Americans can't fight racism with fire, we can only fight it by becoming more educated, becoming more refined and less confined to the "black" spot. We need to focus on occupying the universal spot of elevation. Funny thing is, the more successful you become segments of black America say you are attempting to act white, while there are segments of white America who will never deal with you because you will ALWAYS be too black.

One day it will all make sense... Common

Clarity

2007-09-19T15:23:00.000-06:00

I was listening to Jay-Z on Hot 97 yesterday when he uttered the following, "I don't have any friends, only associates and family. Associates are to be used to elevate your career, build connections and place you in a position to better yourself. They do so without expectations unless its to return a favor, quid pro quo. Family, they are there regardless, usually asking for nothing, supporting you endlessly. They are happy because you are happy, like most parents they only to see you do good for yourself."

Interesting approach, what do you think?

TOP 10 T-Shirts: Part III

2007-09-19T07:26:00.000-06:00

10) Coochie Smoothie?
09) Fianceed Up, Don't Touch!
08) I Don't Go Out with Girls, I Only Go In...
07) Side Dish Wanted, No Anger Allowed, Must Have Cool Head.
06) Hillary Clinton, the Anti-Wife
05) Hip Hop is like school on Sunday, No Class...
04) HIV FREE ARE YOU?
03) Education is the only way out of the Hood!
02) The Ozone Awards = Niggas Gone Wild!!!

and

The #1 T-Shirt I'd love to wear is... "Black Republicans, the Answer. The Question, What is the Future?"

Aqua Fina

2007-09-17T09:03:00.000-06:00

The term “Wetter than water”
best describes these vagina linings,
slippery sloping downward, inward,
the reward never lasting longer than three minutes,
typical stamina reduced to fleeting disappointments
asking, “already”?
pulsating steadily like engine pistons needing no lubrication,
reducing strong relations to weak fetal position shivering,
spine quivering, toe tingling then him sleeping, slumbering,
Princess Aurora like,
not quite the fountain of youth,
but the reaction to parting, tasting,
tongue kissing these lips is similar to consuming 200 Proof Vodka,
now the honest truth is it melts in his mouth,
melts in his hands,
melts on his chin,
melts him into an indentured servant,
ordered to work,
attempting to plow these fertile fields,
sow those seeds,
race to keep up with this greedy desire to feel his sweat,
swallow his breath,
teach him to pet this pussy cat just right,
if only for more than one night,
until this insatiable feeling leaves to return,
I’ll continue to use these Coke bottle, figure eight curves
to gain advantage until his thirst for this bottled water dissipates,
which will be sometime around never…

Moment of Clarity II: Veridad o Falso

2007-09-13T15:05:00.000-06:00

Do women sometimes just want a man to pay her attention in the form of beads of sweat dropping from his brow onto the small of her back for like three straight hours once every other week?

If so, can it be with the man with whom she is currently with or does it have to be with another guy with whom she can ALWAYS be herself...

Strings Attached

2007-09-13T14:23:00.000-06:00

Us meeting was a breath of fresh air,
rare are the moments when synergy dominates,
to the point where it differentiates between common,
amazingly uncommon,
here problems are nonexistent,
gone are the hesitant times,
don’t want to hurt his feelings with truthful lines of disinterest
because he is so-called “in-love”,
places me above the pedestal,
no, here is where I want to be,
in a place where there are no expectations,
no impatiently waiting,
no conversation about where I’m headed,
where I’ve been,
no questions concerning whether he is just a friend,
no me having to restrain my feminine so he can be “the” man,
no breaking up in an effort make up,
wtf is the purpose, if I’m angry sex is a non-option,
especially when most of the time its rotten,
just for you,
just for you I conceal the real self,
don’t want to bruise the male ego,
should have left a long time ago, almost before we started,
but didn’t because you have potential,
aspire to do good things,
however, at the end of the day,
I wish to fly away, wings spread, avoid love’s weight,
No, “don’t wear that, your ass is showing,”
No, “your period must be flowing, you trippin’”
No, “stop giving me the cold shoulder it ain’t snowing,”
no blowing my life spending it trying to live up to your image of me,
I mean, sometimes I just want a friend who can just “be”,
to the point where tranquility is the norm,
equaling frivolous interactions, real life porn minus the roses, dinner and demands,
leaving only woman and man to bond again, again, again,
then its back to reality,
back to living the imperfect match,
what does a sister have to do in order to get a man with no strings attached?

Moment of Clarity: Veridad o Falso

2007-09-12T11:28:00.000-06:00

Per speaking with several women, in effort to conduct research for my next book, I stumbled across a realization which I wanted to bring to the blog world. It is as follows: WOMEN DON'T WANT A "GOOD" MAN, THEY WANT A MAN WHO ASPIRES TO BE GOOD WHILE BEHAVING BADLY. I've been told several times by women, "I don't want a man I can run over." The translation varies from a man who does everything his woman says to a man who gives too much of himself to here to the point where she is irritated. I don't understand it, I thought the Baby Face template was the platinum standard. I mean, which woman doesn't want a man to pay her rent, wash her clothes and cook dinner as soon as he gets home from work? Problem is, worshipping a woman doesn't fly, its not sexy. Initially, women are attracted to a man who is attractive and attracted to them, even slightly, barring he has the basics: intellect, sex appeal and drive. However, eventually, too much can equate to too little.

Example I, I give a woman a dozen roses once a year just because I think she deserves to be showered. She will no doubt appreciate the gift because there was no expectation. If I give the same woman a dozen roses three times a week, her appreciation will wane.

Example II, one woman said, "When a man loves me I don't want to be told, I want to be shown." The aforementioned example would work for her possibly, unless she associates a man continually "showing" love as soft or weak, which is the general premise of the post.

Example III, a woman who is currently having an affair told me the following, "My husband is safe, which is part of the reason I married him. He is conservative, but conforming to his colleagues, this I despise. My kept man is adventurous, wild, dangerous, plays by his own rules and I can be myself around him." She goes on to say, "I love my husband and I'd never leave him unless he became risky which would threaten our security."

Example IV, another woman told me, "I equate a man showing love with providing for me, which means if wants to play, he has to pay."

Amazing!!!

All this time, I thought loving a woman was about giving her exactly what she needed and attempting to get her 95% of what she wanted. In hindsight, it seems if a man's best bet is to give a woman a balanced version of love. Resist, yet be aggressive. Give in to her way, but only when you deem it necessary. Tell her no, but only when she expects to hear "yes". In short, there are good men, unfortunately, most of them are being played by women who realize "safe" is boring, but Lil Wayne, 2Pac types are exciting; its the ultimate practice in having your cake and eating it too. If a man is too much like either you can best bet his woman is finding balance to what he is lacking, one additional man at a time.

The Awakening

2007-09-06T07:51:00.001-06:00

Rain drops run across the dimly lit sky leaving echoes of ultra-violet footprints as deep as two-ton sandals worn by the Gods during their stroll through the universe’s sand laced flowerbed or deep as whip marks on the backs of slaves left by manifest destiny types who were too often fearful of their own inadequacies to be concerned with the greatness of a distant people, both kin sharing life and death, entangled in a cultural chess match, for better or worse, struggle and fought over which birth right and skin shade is most elevated, swerving in like pendulum motion for the last 400 plus, but maybe that is just pasted, so I leave it behind…

Sunlight barely shines through the cloudy sky, piercing the earth’s moist surface like a penis gently tearing open the hymen of a virgin or slightly, like children parting the Venetian blinds of their parents window to watch them becoming one for the
two-millionth time, or dividing like a failed marriage, similar to Moses when he stood on the shore and watched the seas part, like a chest opened to replace a failed heart, no longer wanting to have life, rather taste death on lips, but this time the kiss last for an eternity or at least until judgment day comes and goes, angry souls left behind…

Snowflakes wildly blown across America’s Heartland, weighing the air down almost slowing it to the point where humans are unable to breathe, both in and outside of the storm, heavily falling like a battered wife out of love with the man whom she would have died for once upon a time, fast without regard for those standing in harm’s path similar to an alcoholic reaching for his bottle of syrupy life line falling to the floor of the car as he spins out of control, liquor’s gravitational pull like that of a black hole, the broken glass now lies scattered, torn pieces now half empty, half full, totally time for a strength renewal, but unable due to the urge to stay within the abyss of unreality, factual fallacy, somewhere between being found and becoming second, just behind first…

Wind gust make shreds of homes on the coast line of beaches where granules of sand now cover empty asphalt parking lots where life used to roar just hours before, pieces of nature sent to take back her place in-land, back like a x-crack head mother yet again returning to social services to sign papers petitioning the court system to re-consider her child custody case, back like a deeply depressed male returning to the clinic because he still believes he received a false positive HIV reading the first three times he began his journey, back like the cycle of death yet again remove love, hate the process, respect the effect, back like the vertebrae attached to the spine you used to have before allowing someone to strip you of innocence come and gone, once white hot, now luke-warm, once the strong individual, now merely a member of the weak norm, extremely confined, no longer free-formed like blown breath in front of, not behind the words you never uttered, but should have…

Every Day, All Day

2007-09-04T08:57:00.000-06:00

If I break another nail, another heel,
Hell’s fury won’t be able to contain this feminine anger,
it’s the little things which have me standing on the cliffhanger,
waiting rescue,
but then again, I don’t need a man for anything, for nothing,
except the occasional car wash,
yard cut,
oil change,
house paint,
garbage removal right to the curb corner,
to screw in the bulb,
to trim the shrubbery,
to be complimentary,
carry the groceries,
open a door,
fix a flat tire,
wire the new wireless sound system,
listen to problems without wanting to help solve them,
allow for crying without taking advantage,
manage to arrive on time,
appreciate these thighs like he does this ass,
be crass only when necessary,
actually consider the thought of being married;
playing house is growing old,
cuddle, snuggle without wanting sex,
never lie about communicating with his “x”,
stay erect until I’m finished, done,
continue to see the sun rise, set when he looks into my eyes,
want to die first because you can’t live without me,
embrace being happy,
abandon the thought of anger, especially when I’m wrong,
long for my love after only a minute has passed,
be my first, last,
never crowd my personal space,
enjoy my dinner like you do your mother’s,
be here forever to help fulfill my dreams,
endure my screams,
especially when I’ve come apart at the seems for breaking yet another nail, heel…

The I's Have It IX

2007-08-28T07:02:00.000-06:00

I realize now the phrase, "I Love You" has no meaning unless it is being said by parents to their children or children to parents...

I can honestly say I'm glad we are no longer speaking, interacting or at odds, at first it bothered, now the feeling is gladness...

I will, from now on, keep my dreams to myself until they have reached fruition; there is a sabatore in every circle...

I finally saw my son play football, it made me as proud as ever; he's already better than I ever was or will be...

I HATE a snitch, good luck Mike Vick...

I decided to change my diet, lost four pounds in four days; no crack involved...

I hope you finally get the job opportunity you want, Houston is a BIG city, surely there is something waiting; if not, grad school is always a viable option...

I am really appreciating all the non-sex we're having as of late, the absence makes for great conversation...

I almost went off the emotional deep end last night, then realized you can only hurt me if it is allowed...

I wish I could be a woman for 30 days...

I now know the difference between half ass fellatio and bomb ass head; its the difference between a grape stain and a priceless bottle of vintage wine...

I have absolutely NO respect for you now, you're actions burned this bridge...

I still pray for you death each, every night; what is God waiting on?

I feel the need to apply for grad school one FINAL time; seven schools this time, a change is needed...

I now believe in shoot first, ask questions later...

I think my metamorphosis has a 10 year half life...

I would NEVER stand between you and a college degree, however, the pursuit doesn't absolve you of your responsibilities...

I offer the advice of the century: accomplish 85% of your personal goals prior to getting married, if not, you'll spend the rest of your life in turmoil...

I think this is the best pick up line ever said to me by a woman, "I know you're attacted to me because I'm attracted to you."

I reitorate, minus the bullshit life's great...

Constant Change II

2007-08-23T09:30:00.000-06:00

The hospital is now my temporary home,
being strangled, slapped in the face,
thrown down a flight of stairs does not a resolution make,
hate is the first emotion, though its being overridden by love,
but not foolishness,
vanishing selflessness replaced by unbridled rage
has created a love gone sour cascade,
which is disappointing,
since we forbade each other from physical abuse,
promised to use our hands for intimacy,
touching during moments of passion, not disaster,
his laughter rings loudly in my ears,
like fire crackers, too close,
allowed him to get too close, too deep,
showed him the intricacies too soon,
assumed this ring on my finger was synonymous with protection,
not permission to violate,
not permission to infiltrate my self-esteem to do harm,
is this act the calm before the storm or just his reaction to a bad day?

Either way, since I’m his wife, I’ll stay,
drop the charges and pray,
hopefully, the day will end in me hearing him say,
“Baby, I forgive you for having me arrested,
let me kiss your wounds…”

Constant Change

2007-08-23T07:59:00.000-06:00

His stare is blinding,
controlling like remotes,
yet filled with hope, gentle as words spoken by children,
free of contempt, filled with innocence,
but distracting, especially his,
“I love you regardless”, look,
it puts my worries back in Pandora’s box,
it takes my thoughts to a sacred place where only we reside,
a sanctum where I can hide from the world,
rest in his strong arms,
escape from the harm enemies would extent,
some women pretend,
fantasize about having a masculine safe haven,
a man who is unselfish, selfless, one who makes her flesh quiver,
one who’s touch is tender,
cool in the Summer, warm in the Winter,
a sensitive touch which is never lacking,
it definitely distracting, especially his,
“I need you to relax,” massages,
his hands whispering secret messages to my lower back,
something like,
“tension remove yourself,” or
“pain, we are here to alleviate,”
at any rate, its special,
the connection is emotional, spiritual, sexual,
next level, unlike any man before,
I've sworn to be his first, last love…
…luckily, his words, actions say the same…

Question of the Day?

2007-08-20T13:24:00.000-06:00

Why do women flirt? What type of man is the perfect candidate for flirting.

...is it to satisfy their egos, knowing they still "got it"?
...is it because they want to brighten the day of ugly men?
...is it because they have to be the center of attention?
...is it because they have no intentions and nothing better to do?
...is it because they are getting older, less attractive?
...is it becasue they want a man on the side?
...is it because they want to suduce a man?

I only ask because its cute when it happens,
especially when the woman is under 25 years of age...

Why Love Works...

2007-08-16T09:37:00.000-06:00

Honestly Speaking
He thinks I love him because he’s good to me,
services my needs, heeds my calls,
falls to his knees at the thought of my leaving,
these are not reasons for loving…

He thinks I love him because he washes my hair,
cooks dinner, was the winner of my heart,
enters me, when my legs part, softly,
pushes until I climax, always first,
leaving me never disappointed when his beads
of sweat fall onto my face,
however, these are not reasons for loving…

He thinks I love him because he turns off the game
when I enter the room,
swoons when I table dance,
is entranced when I speak,
fulfills even my selfish needs and allows me to just “be”,
yes, these are important, but not reasons for loving…

He thinks I love him for forgiving me of both affairs,
because he’d give his last breath of air to save my life,
allowed myself to become his wife,
allowed his strife to become my own,
allowed myself to live in a marriage alone,
no, these are not enough reasons for loving…

I actually love him because he needs me,
because he’d be just another shiftless nigger with three baby mama’s,
be engulfed by drama,
would succumb to the trama of knowing he’s less than,
would crumble under the pressure of having to be a man without,
would doubt his self to death,
would get used until nothing remained,
would live a life absent of health, both emotional, physical,
see, I actually love him because I feel an obligation to,
because if I didn’t his memory would fade like cremation,
see, I actually don’t love him, because if I did, I’d let him go,
let him grow until he was my equal.

Funny thing is, he thinks I love him because he loves me too.

Dialogue III (via e-mail)

2007-08-14T15:42:00.000-06:00

(...moments later)

HIM: DON'T STOP BY MY DESK AGAIN. SMILING, ASKING ME IF I AM OK. MAKING LIGHT OF HOW I FEEL, MY PAIN. What kind of fucking person are you? Yes, this is how I let you go. Better now than later, after you let me go...

HER: This is the last time you will ever and I DO MEAN EVER!! Talk to me like this again.

I am sorry you hurt, but I won’t let me be a “catch all” for your emotions. There is NOTHING I have done and I mean NOTHING to deserve you talking to me that way. I came by because I cared, but believe me I won’t talk to you again and not because you want me to, but because my mind won’t allow me to let any man under ANY circumstances continually treat me as you said a “doormat”. How did you know that I was going to let you go first, you don’t and you don’t know how I feel or what I should feel or when I should feel it. You’ve called me selfish every time I turn around. The only selfish thing I’ve done was put you first. Maybe you forgot about a couple of weeks ago when I was suppose to be at an event in Bricktown but left everything to help you out, or maybe you forgot about when I was out of town but rushed back to see you perform.

Its way too easy to call me selfish..

Open Letter

2007-08-14T09:41:00.000-06:00

Liquid Courage
I could listen to her talk about anything
for the rest of my life without taking a break...

Question,
Will you be my girl?

Circle:
Yes

No

Maybe

Never

Feminine Wash

2007-08-13T11:25:00.000-06:00

Lesbian Definition
(Revisited)

I am lesbian for a variety of reasons,
which has brought my life through a variety of seasons, most cold like Chicago winters (pre-coming out),
most hot like Arizona summers (post-coming out),
cold,
like how I felt after my mother told me I was no longer her daughter;
hot,
like how I felt when my first female lover gently kissed my lips with passion,
burning like Vesuvius;
cold,
like how I feel towards men when I visit dying married women suffering from AIDS related complications acquired from adulterous soiled sheet nights by their “loyal” husbands;
hot,
like how I feel when insensitive men request trios after knowing my sexual orientation,
cheap compliments yielding cheap conversation,
confusing sensuality with erotica,
the creation of emotional bonds with the pursuit of S & M,
the spelling my name with a CAPITAL “B” after I said “No” to weak advances,
not because I was offended by his cheap cologne or his inability to hold a five minute conversation,
but because I’m lesbian.

I am lesbian for a variety of reasons,
but the most important is because I chose not to believe I chose to be…
I am lesbian for a variety of reasons, however,
the least important (too most people) is because I was born lesbian;
accept it or reject it…

I am lesbian for a variety of reasons,
the most meaningful is because I accepted it and with it validated love for myself,
understand how to relate to the world and why it is important for me to be myself;
because I, myself am lesbian…

Summer Time Wondering

2007-08-13T09:51:00.000-06:00

She came to me while I slept,
crawled into her favorite spot,
my lap,
awaking me from my nap,
to her sucking,
feminine vampire,
to her swallowing,
feminine livewire,
to my anger,
how can a stranger violate?

How can she irritate me so?

Damn mosquito!!!

2 Sides of the Same Coin

2007-08-08T13:52:00.000-06:00

I Can't Stop Cheating on My Mistress
(Revisited)

I swear to God I love my wife, but this life that I live is addictive,
sick, to the point where I feel guilt no more, but that’s not even the issue,
she is, Ms. ’06 Me & My Bitch,
never seen her coming unless I was beneath,
atop or side to side,
now she is a constant situation residing within aorta glass households,
as a stone thrown this papa rolls, blood in, blood out, no love in,
so why then does she keep trying to gain emotional clout,
even within a sexual drought my white,
creamy flows have nothing to do with how I feel for her,
her and my wife, who,
I swear to God is the only one I Eros, Agape, Philos,
all those outside the cipher are outside the circle,
which has recently expanded from three to four,
never no more is what I uttered the first time I crept,
the last time we slept I thought of her the entire time,
not my wife, but her, Ms. Intellectual Freak,
the perfect blend, the perfect friend, does not have a man,
but understands my appetite for destruction has a deep hunger,
which she allows to wander as long as it returns,
she calls it Boomerang Dick, my mistress calls it Lick and Split,
wifey calls it to bed late, early to rise,
which is partly why I live to die for the moment,
atonement won’t remove this scarlet letter, the first day I met her,
not my mistress, but her,
we spoke for hours on end,
celestial thoughts,
worldly passion,
so deep the interaction I never once opted for masking the fraud,
told her all about the fraternal twins in unholy matrimony,
Ms. I Do and Ms. I Did,
could have hid it all, but why…

She, not my wife or my mistress,
cries when I leave, cries when I stay, cries when her orgasms rise,
raise her to highs, high enough to lose breath for lack of oxygen,
erogenous zones full court pressing,
fingertips wet with hints of curiosity,
leaving a fork in the road with her standing betwixt,
me laying between, us sitting before our present,
never once did she ask me to divorce or suggest I live life separate,
furthermore,
we reminisce on how good it must have been when I was single,
no, she, not my mistress,
never uttered words of disrespect,
never rejected my dreams,
ideas or being; not once…

@least for now she’s become my friend with tangible benefits,
not just another bitch who loves golden shower hour piss
or lives to grant my each and every wish,
which is why I can’t stop cheating on her,
not my wife,
my mistress, because she,
not my mistress, but her,
is becoming less like a trick and more like her,
not her, but my wife…

Damn, guess I’m a have to cheat on her too…

Tongue Love Poetics Book Release Party

2007-08-07T19:33:00.000-06:00

The following pics are from my CAPTURING SUNRAYS IN A GLASS JAR book release party on 08.05.2007. The event was a smash, not because I performed, but because there were 67 people in attendance, all the poets were hotter than myself and the band represented to the maximum! Enjoy...

Meeting in the Ladies Room

2007-08-07T15:05:00.000-06:00

What are the top five items/qualities your dream man must possess in order for you to even consider making him your mate?

In addition, what are the three things he should never do unless he wants your passionate romance to end?

Last question, would you stay with the man of your dreams is the sex was totally horrible?

I asked these questions because I'm trying to peer into the mind of women, its for my next book; the writing has begun...

Flaky

2007-08-01T09:26:00.000-06:00

Leaving has become as difficult as staying,
one day our love is filled with playful laying,
intimate conversation, tender massages,
internal, external & thoughts of you never straying,
however, the next day is dark as the pit from pole to hole,
filled with us arguing over our roles,
you being spoiled, me being a so-called bitch,
inconsistencies, insecurities, lies,
all ending in you asking my ring size in effort to garner quiet moments
which are meaningless without resolute conclusions,
how does one allow the ruination of pure love?

Crack pure, addictive like his rough sex,
like the hair on his chest,
like the scent of his shirt,
I love his dirt all the way to the bottom of his boxer briefs,
however, if he cheats, the last thing he’ll see is me leave,
like Fall leaves, falling out of love,
like spare change falling from generous hands into cups,
like gentle rains washing away the pain,
but not into another’s arms,
rebound love hurts like flirting without intention,
like you being in love and him pretending,
like his heart mending because of your actions,
like him being in love and you losing your attraction,
like what was once solid, now fragile,
why do men start out so magical,
end up so fucked up?

...its time for an emotional sabbatical…

PHOTO WEDNESDAY

2007-08-01T08:59:00.000-06:00

Here is a pic of your boy, soror Paula and a dude who played in Scarface the movie. Give it up, in the words of Kanye West, "you can't tell me nothing"!

Grown & Sexy!!!

2007-07-31T07:54:00.000-06:00

My ego is fragile, I must admit. Lately, I've been staring in the mirror, with no vivid reason here to find, yet the thought of you has been hanging round my mind, round my mind... Sorry, got side tracked by Stevie Wonder. In my humble opinion, his HOTTER THEN JULY album is the best solo LP ever with Marvin Gaye's WHAT'S GOIN' ON a close second, but I digress. I posted this entry to again get your opinion concerning enhancing my sexy. The pictures above are of bowties I'm considering purchasing, please respond with a top three list, I plan on expanding myself via adding to my bowtie options... THANKS!!!

Q & A, Part I

2007-07-30T15:53:00.000-06:00

Recently, I've been thinking about love and why I don't believe in it. In doing so, I came up with a few questions, just wanted to get blogville's take so feel free to chime in...

1) What are three ways to fall out of love? a] Find a reason to hate the person b] Stop communicating with the person c] Stop thinking of them while you're making love to someone else.

2) Can "Chemistry" only occur with a person with whom you are not in love or intimate? Yes, because the person, initially, listens to your problems without judging you or holding what you say against you. When you first meet a person its like they don't exist because they are without flaw, if they are flawed its not because of you. Having history with someone exposes you to all the memories of pain caused, with someone totally new its always sunshine, little clouds or rain. Damn, I miss the newness...

3) Why do men want to marry conservatism, but want to date liberalism? I don't know the answer to this question, please help!!! Slut is sexy on Christina Ag, but not on wifey, however, Condi Rice is sexy on wife, but not in the bedroom...

Just my $00.02

Let the debate begin!

BOOK RELEASE PARTY

2007-07-30T07:06:00.001-06:00

...for those of you who will be in Oklahoma City this weekend,

Tongue Love Poetics is throwing B. K. Hotchkins a book

release party of epic proportions. It will be held at the

fabulous Rococo's Restaurant at 2824 N. Penn from 5:30p until...

If you need directions, Google Rococo's. Arrive early, seating is

limited.

Thank you for your continued support, I appreciate it!

Time to Man Up II (Answers)

2007-07-23T19:25:00.000-06:00

Q&A...

Isha said...
If you could undo one decision you've made in your life, what would it be? My decision to drop out of law school, Mercer University, after my fiance’ decided to call the wedding off by moving to South Carolina while I was at work. I was devistated. I couldn’t sleep, eat, think; contemplated suicide for about a month then returned to Oklahoma. Had I completed the dream of becoming an attorney my life would be quite different at this very moment.

Royce's Daughter said...
What is the biggest lie you've ever told (in the last year LOL)? I told someone I’ve had three trois’s in one day, the most was two and I’ll never do it again, takes too much damn energy!!!

Tenacious said...
Tell me about a time when karma came back to bite u in the behind. I have yet to have that experience. I live my life with one main mantra: don’t live to do good, live in effort to not do evil. This mantra has never led me to exploit anyone, always be helpful if I could and be supportative. However, it limits me in that I NEVER go out seeking to create positive change, I just make sure my actions don’t destroy the lives of those person around me.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...
How have you enhanced someone's life in the past year - personally and professionally?? Indirectly, certainly, though I am not sure who. Directly, yes, I met a stranger who told me how much reading my book has changed her life from the standpoint of aiding in the releasing of the author in within her. She is currently working on her first book and said she might not have done so without my example of how unbridled imagination can work.

Miz JJ said...
Whatever happened with that lady and the child? Was that ever resolved? Niseanda Robinson. The story has finally come to an end for now. The last time I heard her voice she told me she had forgiven me for my collegiate trangressions, though she has not clarified as to whether I am actually the father of our so-called daughter D’Metri. I guess time will tell, if not, I have two other beautiful daughters to raise so I definitely won’t lose sleep over contemplating the if’s.

Mis Understood said...
What's the one thing you wouldn't want a female to know about you? I activately make attempts to protect my fragile inside which consist of 1000 insecruities, overwhelming doubt and extreme anxiety. I am filled with contradictions; both giving yet selfish, both simple yet complex and both loving and hateful. Deep inside I regret never approaching a woman, dating her once and asking her to be my girl. No six months of hiding, pretending to be something other than our true selves; just two individuals exploring the possibilities of love found without worrying about the approaching like and often akward transition that is from the latter to the former.

DurtyMo said...
How do you know when you're happy? I’m happy and I know it when I clap my hands…

Thank you for your participation, I appreciate you interest in the inner me...

Bending Roads

2007-07-20T10:06:00.000-06:00

How did it feel to be in the room with two men who are in love with you,
each desperately clamoring for your time, conversation, intimacy and love?

How did it feel to witness them interact, one the loyal husband,
the other, the loyal confidant?

How does it feel to practically act like you don't know me in public
after giving me your body in the quiet confines of your home?

He has no clue concerning your capabilities,
I had no clue losing you would hurt so badly...

Food for Thought

2007-07-16T14:23:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq2kJ56hSqo

...for your review...

Time 2 Man Up II

2007-07-16T07:07:00.000-06:00

The last time I posted this was on 10.16.06,
figured it was time to open up yet again.

Be As Frank As Possible

Consider this post your first, last opportunity to dive deep into my essence.
I have opened this door because I feel like reaching out in an indirect sense;
if you are interested in the challenge...

...You have until midnight on Friday to ask me any question you desire,
in turn, I'll pour my soul into the blogsphere...

There is one catch, only ask a question you'd answer if I asked you...
I'll post the answers on 07.21.07, right before I get on the plane
headed to San Fran for five lovely days, four beautiful nights of
pure unadulterated work, play!

The New Tag of the Day

2007-07-16T07:06:00.000-06:00

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

8 facts:

1. I too LOVE red wine. My absolute favorite is Napa Valley Merlot, 1971.

2. I recently started preparing the pieces for my book release party, there are eight total poems I’ll perform; need to memorize the last two. I'm extremely nervous, but I know once I get on stage I’ll be ready to go for broke!!! Wish me luck too! =)

3. I finally taught my first poetry class for a group of so called underserved eighth graders in Tulsa. The course was a five day writing boot camp, if I could only have them for a month; their young minds, varied perspectives concerning prose, Hip Hop were awfully refreshing…

4. I am seriously considering becoming a fruiterian!!!!

5. I have pulled together with a small group of investors to open a night club, don’t have a name yet, but I think its definitely going to be the jump off spot in Oklahoma City’s Bricktown.

6. I love being flirted with by women who have absolutely NO intentions of being made available. It is so damn sexy!!!

7. I hate people who floss, especially black folk who know damn well they are living above their means. Sidebar: NEVER USE A WORD YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL OR TO DEFINE, ITS DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD LOOK. SEE Urban Dictionary, CURFUFFLE.

8. My dream is to, thru hard work, open the doors for my children which I was denied. Life is all about accessibility, not about how much one can consume. I have to tag 8 people!!! =)

They are:
Michelle/Desiree
Darling Nikki
Tenacious
Miz JJ
Royce’s Daughter
Ms. Ahmad
Piglet
Magical Sis

BLACK MORPH (Hindsight is 20/20)

2007-07-09T08:45:00.000-06:00

Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia Tech shooter, killer of 32 persons (himself included) is the latest minority being dissected beneath the white hot light of European American cultural scrutiny. Seung-Hui's case is different in that he does not fit into the most prominent category of mass murder, which is "white male". It was reported that he was a South Korean native who had immigrated to this country and was not born an American citizen.

While watching the network coverage ad nauseam, during the last week, it finally hit me, maybe his acts has less to do with terror and more to do with his inability to assimilate or the pressure he felt to do so. The following quote from Seung-Hui resonates with me in that I too have wondered about the behavior of those who exist outside of blackness, "You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn’t enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren’t enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn’t enough. Your vodka and Cognac weren’t enough. All your debaucheries weren’t enough. Those weren’t enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything."

The direct connection I have with his comment lies in my inability to understand why those who have affluence often do the most complaining. During my undergraduate studies, I didn't realize what I lacked until listening to white students discussing their wealth, the vacation spots visited, amounts paid for pairs of jeans and how important it was they be accepted into the RIGHT fraternity or sorority. In hindsight, it is amazing how the conversations of privilege differ from those of poverty. While in college, I was lucky to have gone to the movies during Spring break. I never considered visiting the Cayman Islands or the Peugeot Sound. In fact, I was just happy class wasn't in session.

My point is, I can understand his frustration, not the acts of murder, but definitely the insanity accompanying the experience of college as a minority on a pre-dominantly white campus.

He goes on to say, "Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled upon on a cross? And left to bleed to death for your amusement? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?" These quotes represent metaphors to me, comparisons of Christ suffering to his. As an undergraduate, I was often humiliated by constantly being asked, "...if you're not an athlete, how can you afford to go to this university?" There were times when I wondered why the white males members of KA fraternity (southern organization founded by Robert E. Lee) were insensitive to African American students feeling enraged because the KA's passionately flew the confederate flag above their frat house. There were times I wondered if affluent students ever felt an ounce of pain, buried fellow childhood friends turned gang members, grew up in never-married single parent homes, had crack mothers, wrote letters to their incarcerated fathers they knew they'd never see again or even knew what it meant to have to eat oatmeal for breakfast, lunch and dinner because those were the only options. It has always been my belief that assimilation is an imagined ideal, one which will never be fully achieved, not even for African Americans.

What is not imagined is in some aspects of American culture conformity is expected, the minority is to become part of the dominant cultural whole in order to be seen as equal, respected or valued. It is this unspoken law which has driven minorities to the places where self-hate dwell, especially US, e. g. Hip Hop video images, hair straightening and even interracial marriages. The statement he made by destroying life was wrong, but I wonder about his motives, especially the ones attached to the following quote, “I didn’t have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run ... It’s not for me. For my children, for my brothers and sisters that you f---, I did it for them.”

It reminded me of all the African American students who transfer from pre-dominant white colleges in order to journey to institutions where they "feel" the worth of their ethnicity matters. It reminded me that WE have the choice to retreat or stay and fight. It reminded me OUR actions are connected to OUR cultural whole rather we like it or not. Most importantly, it reminded me that my children, brothers, sisters are directly linked to my immediate successes or failures.

Just my thoughts...

BLACK RELAX

2007-07-03T14:12:00.000-06:00

Greetings to those who care enough to dedicate five minutes of your day to being black by reading the following discussion concerning, THE BLACK RELAX.

I've coined the term as such because it is directly connected to capital amounts.

In the movie Wall street, Michael Douglas tells Charlie Sheen, "It's not a question of enough, pal. It's a zero sum game, somebody wins, somebody loses. Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another." This quote is the benchmark for understanding how business is conducted, deals are transacted and economies build or topple. I digress, I mentioned the movie because it reminds me of HOW opportunity is gained or squandered solely based on initial interactions. In my line of work, financial lending, I meet with a wide variety of persons, all of which are eager to position themselves in a manner that will skew favor toward their particular project. Keep in mind, I have the final say concerning whether they are/are not awarded funds; not necessarily based on credit scores, but on "perceived integrity". I measure integrity based on a particular litmus test which includes the superficial (dress), project vision (planning) and articulation (the way in which they interact). The latter is the deal breaker, especially when it comes to black folk. Now there have been times when overzealous whites have spoken to me in a stepandfetchit condescending manner, causing them to be denied, however, those instances are too far and few to mention in detail.

Back to the point, there have been numerous time when I have met astute, articulate African Americans who are well informed, well represented and well connected--problem is they are too well relaxed. Case in point, I recently scheduled a meeting with Mr. BeingBlack, who arrived early, presented me with a brief of his financial goals and then proceeded to tell me, "Man, I'm glad WE are represented up in here. I was worried I'd have to deal with some cracker who wouldn't understand the plight, purpose of our role in the community." He went on to further say, "Son, this is a nice office, I wonder how many fine ass sisters work here; I don't know how you do it, but if it was me, I wouldn't be able to focus on working."Astonishing is the first word which comes to mind. Now don't get me wrong, I understand experiencing a feeling of being comfortable when dealing with African Americans in the corporate world, however, I have yet to view it as an unspoken advantage or a black Good Ole Boys Network which affords me the privilege to speak in a candid manner whenever I chose.

Funny thing is, the BLACK RELAX also occurs when I play the role of consumer as well, not just at fast food restaurants, car dealerships, jewelry stores, hospitals or colleges, I'd wager to say it happens with great frequency where ever there are African American buyers, sellers. In addition, the BLACK RELAX typically occurs when only WE are present, which makes it worse.

There is almost an assumption that WE can be LESS professional in the presence of ourselves than we can be amongst any other exclusive group of people. I hold US to a higher standard assuming we know better, however, I might need to reconsider. Aside from the BLACK RELAX, the looming issue is whether I should intervene in an attempt curb the behavior by taking advantage of the "teaching moment" or should I just mind my own business an politely relocate to a business where the BLACK RELAX doesn't exist?

BLACK WATCH

2007-06-28T10:21:00.000-06:00

"Who's that peeking in my window, pow, nobody now," as stated by Goodie Mob on their 1995 debut album Soul Food, song "Cell Therapy", sums up the following: why is there always at least one African American gate keeper at every job who acts like the village scribe, overseer, police and Massa all rolled into one?

I've only had to endure this type of person once in my entire career during a time when I was considerably younger, a tab bit naive and eager to prove myself to no conceivable end. This person, for lack of a better name, shall be called Tomicena. She was the Executive Secretary to the Director, within the organization, where she served at his "pleasure". Now I don't want to sound jealous, envious or desiring of her career choice, but what bothered me was her uncanny ability to "accidentally" keep the entire workforce of color out of the proverbial loop of information. Nothing excluded. When opportunities for elevation occurred, WE were the last ones to know, if at all. Case in point, the company issued an opportunity for persons to enroll in a shadowing mentor program where you could actively witness the processes involved in the making corporate vision reach fruition. Therefore, if you were interested in the media relations department, and were selected, you could passively participate in HOW messages were delivered to various constituencies.

Fast forward, the information was disseminated 10 days prior to US receiving it--two days prior to the deadline. Had I not asked a white colleague, I’d never known. Example two, speaks to the power of the paper trail. One day, I was late to work about 30 minutes, a replacement secretary was seated at front desk an proceeded to ask me who I was and why I was late. Feeling slightly violated, I asked, “…now why do you need to know why I was late?” Her response, “I was told to ask the persons who were late who they were and why so I could enter it into this Excel program.” All I could think about after I gave her the information was, “…I wonder if the non-coloured employees had to do the same, were their transgressions documented and was this entire process a violation of my rights.” Needless to say, during that time, I witnessed the control she wielded, how she used it to help the advancement of some while weeding out others. In fact, she once told me, “…with an afro like that you’ll never be a powerbroker in this company.” While saying nothing to my male colleagues of Native American descent who wore ponytails down to their waist.

Just for the record, I find nothing wrong with African American gatekeepers, but don’t WE owe it to US to seek, find at least one person to groom? At least one person to inform about the hidden rules of the office? At least one person to introduce to the circle of power which typically consist of ALL white males? At least one person to protect, shield from the B. S., especially if we are privy to information they are not?

The I's Have It XII

2007-06-24T18:35:00.000-06:00

I toast to the best week I've had in nearly three years!!!

I am appreciative of young minds, when offered the opportunity to write prose the expression is magical...

I now better understand God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, the key is them understing me...

I am beginning to know my place...

I am happy our lines of communication have been re-opened, thanks for calling me when you need to speak to a man who is, as you put it, "intellectual"...

I am now addicted to Lamb Chops, Wild Mushrooms and Napa Valley Merlot...

I truly enjoyed Father's Day, this one was the start of moving on...finally!

I need to stop lifting weight and work on cardio...

I am contemplating pursuing a change in career...

I thank you for thinking of me even when you are with him...

I am looking for three investors to fund a multi-million dollar idea, when it jumps I'll subcribe to a lifetime of kicking it...

I am done playing the Lotto, if God wants me to get it, I'll get it...

I am madly in LOVE, damn it feels good to see people up on it!!!

I know sacrifices must be made, our friendship has to be one of those...

I have been forced to shed myself of my inner circle in order to save myself, unfortunately, they have become a collective liability...

I am alone...

I have seven poems memorized, can I get an Amen when I get to 20?

I vow to surround myself with people who will allow me to grow with them in an equally mutual exchange...

I must be "Left Eye" crazy...

I consider this "I's Have It" as my official "coming out" party, sorry ladies!!!

Kingdom One

2007-06-17T21:50:00.000-06:00

God is savior,
God is glory,
God is circular,
God is sweet nectar,
God is fountains overflowing,
God is silence within noise,
God is void...

If

2007-06-13T15:24:00.000-06:00

Standing at the precipice of unknown places,
wandering thru changes in possibilities,
labyrinth like,
hope shattered, broken, scattered,
tattered like burning Confederate flags post-Civil war,
supposedly all is fair there, but untrue in matters of love,
one million pieces of a heart,
unable to receive reconstructs,
the process as random as mutant genes,
the feelings long lasting as racism,
unable to cease, desist,
unfortunate,
especially when she comes, leaves,
as quickly as fallen leaves from withering trees’
limbs just before Winter,
cold as hearing her say,
“…just get over it”…

If she’d only meant,
“…take my hand,
let us follow these new memories,
allow them to lead us toward emotions never experienced.”

Myspace/Tonguelovepoetics

2007-06-12T08:06:00.000-06:00

I never thought I'd make the MYSPACE jump, however, I've finally accepted my place in the darkside. I am convinced, it is a grand tool! The contacts are limitless and I've already been able to negotiate performing at a few shows...

If you are interested in viewing my page:

http://www.myspace.com/tonguelovepoetics

...be on the look out, Tongue Love Poetics is going to shake up the world in 2008...

"Just a Girl" Poem (Audio Version)

2007-06-08T07:51:00.001-06:00

...for those of you who didn't know, I've been in the studio attempting to put together Capturing Sunrays in a Glass Jar, The One Take Spit Tape -- an audio version of my book, but I'm torn between recording all 58 poems in a triple CD format or just doing the hottest 20. One of my favorite pieces is "Just a Girl @ the End of the Day", its on the CD, but not in the book. I wrote it at the request of my poetry mentor and have decided to place it on this blog fall to hear...

The track is located at the bottom right-hand side of this blog, directly above the "BUY THIS BOOK" icon. If you can see the little bitty pic of me then click on the PLAY button and enjoy. I'm new to this spoken word world so I need your HONEST opinions, don't worry, I don't have an ego; speak freely!

Richistan

2007-06-06T07:35:00.000-06:00

What is wealth? Not from a Hip Hop standpoint, but from the vantage point of actual wealth. Is it about philanthropy, touring the world, staying in six star hotels, having $20K mortages, what? Being a new author has pushed me into reading a variety of books running the gamut, however, I am currently was caught up in a new book concerning the wealthy versus the affluent. The book, Richistan, is crack addictive! Fortunately, I am unable to put it down and suggest you read it if you are remotely interested in how the other side lives.

ABOUT THIS BOOK
The rich have always been different from you and me, but this revealing and funny journey through “Richistan” entertainingly shows that they are more different than ever. Richistanis have 400-foot-yachts, 30,000-square-foot homes, house staffs of more than 100, and their own “arborists.” They’re also different from Old Money, and have torn down blue-blood institutions to build their own shining empire.

Richistan is like the best travel writing, full of colorful and interesting stories providing insights into exotic locales. Robert Frank has been loitering on the docks of yacht marinas, pestering his way into charity balls, and schmoozing with real estate agents selling mega-houses to capture the story of the twenty-first century’s nouveau riche:House-training the rich. People with new wealth have to be taught how to act like, well, proper rich people. Just in the nick of time, there’s been a boom in the number of newly trained butlers—“household managers”—who will serve just the right cabernet when a Richistani’s new buddies from Palm Beach stop by. “My boat is bigger than your boat.” Only in Richistan would a 100-foot-boat be considered a dinghy. Personal pleasure craft have started to rival navy destroyers in size and speed. Richistan is also a place where friends make fun of those misers who buy the new girlfriend a mere Mercedes SLK.

“You want my money? Prove that you’re helping the needy!” Richistanis are not only consuming like crazy, they’re also shaking up the establishment’s bureaucratic, slow-moving charity network, making lean, results-oriented philanthropy an important new driving force. Move over, Christian Coalition. Richistanis are more Democratic than Republican, “fed up and not going to take it anymore,” and willing to spend millions to get progressive-oriented politicians elected. “My name is Mike and I’m rich.” Think that money is the answer? Think again as Robert Frank explores the emotional complexities of wealth.And, as Robert Frank reveals, there is not one Richistan but three: Lower, Middle, and Upper, each of which has its own levels and distinctions of wealth —the haves and the have-mores. The influence of Richistan and the Richistanis extends well beyond the almost ten million households that make up its population, as the nonstop quest for status and an insatiable demand for luxury goods reshapes the entire American economy.

In short, what are the top three things you'll do upon earning your first 10 million? 1) I'd open a private school of etiquette in the middle of the hood for academically excelling students charged with transforming the poverty mentality of the inner city to one of cultural value 2) I'd purchase hundreds of homes in the hood, tear them down, build new one and offer the residents an opportunity to buy them for a cheap price upon completion of a credit repair course designed to teach people how to build wealth 3) I'd subscribe to a lifetime of kicking it!!!

Define Support

2007-06-03T09:51:00.001-06:00

I know a lot of people, a lot of people, however, I only have four TRUE friends. Its safe to say, these people are partially part of the reason why I am who I am. They are nurtured, helped and been there for me when no one else gave a damn basically. Lately, I’ve had major issues with each, unbeknownst to them, to the point where it is re-shaping how I view them and our friendship.

The first friend, Mr. Magenta, has become EXTREMELY materialistic over the past three months. He recently came into some $$$, which was given to him, not earned, and it has began to change his being to the core. His comments are condescending, his attitude is offensive and his morality is shifting. In short, he has cash without the class and it bothers me because I want to say something, but don’t know what to say.

Friend two, Ms. Cyan, is a recent, but loyal friend who listens to all my ideas, but is always expecting to get something for nothing. She has been this way at times, however, recently she took the damn cake, chewed and swallowed it! As you may well know, I have a new book out Capturing Sunrays in a Glass Jar, well, upon letting her see it, she promptly went on a tirade about how she shouldn’t have to pay for it because we were friends. I saw her comments as a lack of support, had it been me, I’d tried to have been the first person who bought a copy in effort to support my girl; she saw it differently. It didn’t bother me at first, as of late, its made me want to interact with her less and though its not about the money, it is about how I perceive support.

Friend three, Mr. Chartreuse, I believe is a Down Low brother based on a few comments he’s made and a bi-sexual friend telling me she’s seen him a popular gay club with a male escort. None of which is my business, however, his wife was my friend before I met him so I feel guilty for neither telling her nor confronting him; what should I do, if anything?

Finally, friend four, Mr. Black, he’s my mans and them, but he has a gambling problem, a major one! He gets paid on Friday, is broke on Sunday; its ridiculous. I don’t know how to tell him to get some help, plus, he owes me $2,500. I’m starting to feel like an enabler, however, I don’t want him to start stealing, selling drugs, turning tricks or whatever in order to support his habit.

Sorry, just wrestling with what it means to be a so-called supportive friend. Please advise.

Sunday School

2007-06-03T09:03:00.001-06:00

God,
I give myself to you because I don't trust me with it,
kneeling,
I offer this dirty vessel,
hoping for betterment,
transformation,
a safe haven from the world,
repentance...

Milk

2007-06-01T07:52:00.000-06:00

Great-Grandmama said, "Baby, looking at her will get you lynched."
Grandmama said, "Take a hint, God ain't meant her for you."
Mama said, "I'd rather my son be gay than date that wench."

I say, "French vanilla, I've grown tired of swallowing chocolate."

Bondage

2007-06-01T07:40:00.001-06:00

Looking in the mirror, I see "him",
a man who has yet to appreciate woman,
an extension self,
wrapped in the falsities of fake smiles,
nefarious behavior,
lonely,
searching for a feminine savior who will add completion,
remove inhibitions concerning personal worth,
whether white as salt or black as fertile earth plowed,
I'll scream it aloud,
"Please save me from me!"

Nothing Fountain

2007-06-01T07:31:00.000-06:00

Each time we meet I drink from your breath,
hoping to be fulfilled,
remaining empty after every kiss,
our conversations are like vaginal cleansing,
lasting for short periods,
removing all the impurities,
reminding of the reality that even though we bond,
fruit never springs forth like hard unfertile soil beneath my feet,
where can I retreat from you?

Nowhere, she is everything, nothing simultaneous...

Here

2007-05-31T17:49:00.000-06:00

I would rather be in this place,
being without her laughter is similar to dying slowly from AIDS,
exactly like suffering from the bubonic plague,
like living in darkness, never experience the warmth of the day,
nothing is as awful as hearing her say,
“I don’t love you too,”
which is why doing whatever is the easiest task to do,
especially if it means continuing being in this place…

Perfection

2007-05-31T17:41:00.000-06:00

He rises like the sun,
renewed, vibrant, beautiful,
unfortunately, as it is on every day,
overcast skies rain on the parade which makes being a black male
feel like dead wood, ablaze,
but emanating no life sustaining heat,
leaving him victim to low self esteem,
a reoccurring desire to stop pursing unfulfilled dreams
and toying with a new found penchant concerning not wanting to breathe,
fortunately, its time for slumber allowing the moon to shine in his place…

Completes Me?

2007-05-31T17:26:00.000-06:00

Her love reminds of a genie bottle,
all encapsulating,
the offering of padded walls does not a safe place make,
the rent is to continually give without ever anticipating being in on the take,
a small price to pay for no return on investment,
all invigorating,
being externally unrestrained for brief moments
or until completion of “to do list” arises,
which is followed by final glimpses or blue skies
just right before the lid is placed back atop the only exit,
marked entrance,
her repentance is non-existent,
similar to apologies rendered by abusive spouses,
just after the beginning,
to the point where winning is equated with empty feelings or
her allowing freedom until its time to yet again keep serving…

My Own Greeting Cards (Top 10 List)

2007-05-30T13:34:00.000-06:00

Here is a top 10 list of greeting card shorts I think are the PERFECT gift for women...

10) You look really sexy when you wear a tank top with no bra, makes me hungry.

09) I appreciate you being thick as a ten gallon drum of peanut butter, skinny girls just don't cut it for me.

08) I love your lips, especially when they are open;?

07) Thank you for cooking dinner, washing dishes, putting up the leftovers, folding the clothes, cleaning out the car and still having enough energy to break me off!!! Sorry for falling alseep afterwards, but it was good as usual.

06) You mean more to me than ESPN!!!

05) I apologize for allowing you to go thru my cell phone and read my text message conversations with my ex-girl, seriously, she doesn't mean more to me than you do.

04) I love it when you squeeze me!

03) In order of importance: God, You and Everything else.

02) I didn't mean to pull your tracks out, really, I didn't...

and the #1 greeting card for a man to give to a woman is...

...Your vagina tasted better than dinner, what are you doing tomorrow night?

The I’s Have It XI

2007-05-29T15:31:00.001-06:00

I thank you for finally forgiving my sins against you, too bad you’re still too selfish to allow me to be a father; her loss.

I finally moved on, it felt good to hear you cry when I told you I no longer wanted to be bothered with you or your selfish ways.

I see what really matters now, its not you.

I hope your book deal is going well, once your ego subsides give me a call or e-mail, still want to support you even though you’re JUS full of shit.

I wish I could go on sabbatical in order to begin writing my next book, its deep within beginning to surface.

I now know what it feels like to be a Yo-Yo and its all your fault.

I pray one day you’ll realize the true worth of your vagina, stop spreading it like a cold.

I wish you were dead, really, I do.

I feel emotionally drained.

I need Lillian to help me focus on writing again, hope she reads this “I’s Have It”.

I met a lot of cool authors this weekend at the Zora Neale Hurston book fair; there is definitely a difference between a novel and a book of poetry.

I think my next literary endeavour will be a poetic novel.

I now know a man’s weakness lies within his heart, not his penis.

I now know a man’s strength lies within his ability to transcend his adversity, never succumbing to trivial people, places or things.

I know, yet again, God is using me to make a difference, unfortunately, I don’t how it will come about.

I am afraid.

Photo Wednesday

2007-05-23T15:00:00.000-06:00

This picture is for those of you who just can't seem to get the style involved in matching my favorite pant with a pink shirt. True, real mean wear pink, but only so few do so as well as I. Damn, sounded kinda bad, huh? Anyway, this pant is as my boy James H. Cooper would say, "Fonky Fresh"!!!

Utter Forgiveness

2007-05-23T14:58:00.000-06:00

His liabilities numbered in the 100s concerning protecting her,
theirs was a love blur,
fast, heavy, hard, abusive, emotionally intrusive,
however,
it might have last forever,
had she only asked, “do you love you?”

His answer would have been, “emphatically, no
until then I’ll let you go because I’m unhealthy.”

Her answer may have been, “I’ll be here laying in wait,
consider me addicted to your bait, snared in your trap,
when you’d sorted out your inner demons, please live
in my lap.”

Maybe a loving marriage would be their current state of affairs,
instead of remaining afraid to share their love, never again…

Christian Poetry

2007-05-21T08:13:00.000-06:00

The past weekend was an interesting, I performed at three places; Verbal Essence, the Poetry Potluck and @ the "Y". The former was a general grown folks poetry spot, the second was a meeting of the OKC slam team + a few other poets and the latter was a Christian "night club" joint which offered gospel music and poetry.

Unfortunately, I only have three pieces about GOD, the best one I have yet to commit to memory so I did "Arrested Emotional Development" which is about tainted love. Each of the poets who followed should have been in the pulpit when offering their pieces. Each piece was well received. This got me to thinking, just because your poem is about GOD doesn't make it HOT. I mean, a few poets messed up and besides that, some of their pieces were barely COOL, let alone HOT.

Not to sound like a hater, because I love poetry when it is actually HOT, then again, who am I to judge. What's HOT to me maybe ice cold to someone else. I spoke to a poet who proceeded to tell me about uplifting the kingdom and how anything not about GOD is of the DEVIL. I didn't feel like debating so I listened thinking that would include, BOYS II MEN, LUTHER, JILL SCOTT, and my poetry for that matter. It was the first time I actually saw the difference between so-called Christian v. Secular prose. Prior to Friday night, I just looked at poetry as poetry, no divisions, no fragmentation, no us v. them, just words used to glorify the expression of written thought.

Guess I was wrong...

What is the general consensus, is poetry all poetry? Is poetry which isn't about GOD about the DEVIL? Should I quit spitting a Christian poetry events unless I'm going to do GOD pieces?

...other than that there, I killed it. Your boy is getting better, growth is a good thing!!!

Poetic Journey

2007-05-17T09:13:00.000-06:00

I've spent the last two weeks preparing for the BIG push of the book release, which in essence means me hitting every poetry venue I can possible rush in order to perform and continue to get the word out. Those of you who are interested in my poetic journey, I performed at Miko's DGP Cafe on 5/15, and will be presenting on 5/18 at two spots:

The "Y" [... as a Featured Poet] Oklahoma City, 5716 S. Harvey Ct.
and at Verbal Essence [Open Mic] Oklahoma City, Bianca's Jazz Club.

I must admit, I had no idea how much of a world wind writing one book would cause, especially within my typically boring life. During the last two months I've performed at approximately 10 shows, all of which had poets who were far better performers than I. Is "performer" the correct word? FYI, I've never considered myself a spoken word poet, however, there are so many venues which allow for exposure that I had to throw my hat in the ring. Hell, I feel like Kanye West when he said, "...once my rapping ability catches up to the quality of my beats, the industry is done!" I'm terrified of the stage!!! However, Tuesday night was the first time I did an entire piece while maintaining eye contact; Hell, whenever my performing ability equals that of my writing, its a done deal!!! Regardless, I'll never aspire to be THAT POET, the one who is addicted to the three minute lime light, I just want to be half as good a writer as Langston Hughes.

Also, if you have yet to be exposed to my writing ability, here are a few excerpts from my book, CAPTURING SUNRAYS IN A GLASS JAR, which you can purchase on this blog:

Just a Girl @ the End of the Day...
Who is She?

Watching flowers fall from the Heavens pales incomparison to her beauty,
truly a Goddess among women, her mind is as fine a Persian silk linen,
feminine bliss packaged in dark chocolate wrappings,
both tempting, edible, incredible are her ways,
to gaze directly into her love would age the viewerdue to the radiance,
leaving even the Angels jealous, unselfishness is her mantra,
being in her presence feels good as Karma working to your advantage,
her canvass is filled with curves similar to rolling hills,
plentiful, remarkable, magnificent, exquisite is her thought process,
temptress, womanly tempest leaving masculinesuitors wet,
sweating from the pressure mounting from desires caused by wishing to drink from her fountain,
swallow her breath,
chase her flesh into hidden placeswhere no men have journeyed,
but all have dreamt about,
leaving them wishing for a position of clout in an effort to garner her attention,
if only for fleeting moments…

Child-like Explorations
Part I of III

Her black hair, stained fire engine red,
luke-warm blood pouring from her neck
like an erupting hydrant on a hot summer day.
She’d been lying, lifeless, Christ less for three hours.
Her slowly ascending soul was angered at the fact it couldn't
tell anyone of the occurrence, disturbanceto her body,
violation to her flesh, the humiliation of being gullible,
knowing she could have prevented the situation; couldn’t she?

Her white Power Puff Girl panties,
torn from theback by his brutal entry, simply cut to the chase;
only lasted minutes and seconds.
His entry, unprotected,
so even if she survived the attack she would have been raped
by all the pass along victims as well.

Tortured for days, exposed to a Hell unimaginable because "he" was her father.

A child, his child,
a lamb for the slaughter,
surprisingly still trusting of her role model even
after he had withdrawn himself.

Death had not needed to be the answer
to the question she posed before he decided to kill,
"Daddy, do you also treat mommy this way?"
Her display of curiosity was possibly the first thing
pushing him over the edge, his curiosity was the second…

Preventive Medicine
Walking Alone

Standing at ATM debating newest reason for investment,
pressing 4-8-0,
currency falls into trembling hands,
regressive, hesitant, but necessary,
hating contemplation,
head to meet fate at place of condemnation,
need soul cleansing only found by wiping slate(s),
forms complete, services prepared for render,
wait… wait… wait…

…walk into modern lion’s den, nervous but eager,
anticipate emotional instability despite attempted determent lecture,
foreign sector…

…entering stirrups, feels like wearing stockings for the first time,
difficult to slide on, Dorothy wishing I was home moments building,
staring toward ceiling, humming,
wanting to drown out small erratic heartbeats wavering in the near distance,
digital monitor, haunting, moving imagery,
believed screams sounding ultrasonic, ironic,
no connection, no affection, thinking “no,” intravenous penetration, faint…

Riddle of the Day Answer

2007-05-09T08:20:00.000-06:00

What weighs a significant amount forwards, but not anything going backwards?
...the answer is a TON, because it weighs NOT anything going backwards.
Thanks for playing...

Love Allergy

2007-05-07T15:54:00.001-06:00

...it reminds of gravity,
tragedy pronounced in the name off deep like turned sour,
turned left instead of right,
devouring atypical types who free fall at first sight,
hear the screams?

...it reminds of broken glass, shattered millions,
damaged emotionally wrecked pieces,
turned from first to last, turned bored,
was engorged with passion, filled with contractions
birthing a cynical like left grasping for “doing”
romance straws,
watch the dwindling dreams!

...it reminds of getting closer equaling going further,
transitioning from a necessity to a why bother,
leaving blame to be placed within,
decelerate,
ex-lover, ex-friend,
caught in choosing pretend whether fault ever ends,
until acceptance begins,
“I am constitutionally incapable...”

Riddle of the Day...

2007-05-07T09:26:00.000-06:00

What weighs a significant amount forwards, but not anything going backwards?

The Lime

2007-05-04T09:02:00.000-06:00

There is a stark difference between Mos Def, Langston Hughes,
Hip Hop, down home Blues,
Hitler Germany, holocaust Jews,
propaganda, factual news,
getting a pass, paying dues,
an explosive, the short fuse,
an attractive smile, a muse,
being denied, being refused,
angry enough to crying, being amused,
writing pieces which the author only understands,
writing pieces which alter the plight of man,
believing three minutes determines immortality,
exposing, separating truth from fallacy,
speaking prose for ego sake,
speaking thru writing in an effort to make change,
being a spoken word artist,
being an artist of words spoken,
being taking seriously,
being taking jokingly,
being the creator of the definitive collective piece,
which allows for an intellectual feast of generations
yet to come,

and

using fork tongues to garner underserved praise for
fleeting moments judged as grandiose based on applauding fractured prose,

Yes, there are truly stark differences between spoken, written,
though the motives are often hidden, this remains certain,
one is selfish,
one is selfless,
closed curtain…