Who I am, Who's I am...
Glimpse, Reflections
I too was propositioned by magicalsis concerning the meaning of my life? What makes me get up in the morning? I rarely get specific, but since this is yet another opportunity to peer into my Johari Window, I shall; suggest you do the same… SF
I shall address the second question first. I am obsessed with obtaining freedom, which is what makes me rise in the morning. Prior to entering undergraduate studies at Southern Methodist University (where I experienced scathing class-, racism), I wholeheartedly believed in the American ideal. During high school I’d never really been exposed to systematic, individualized –isms leaving me incapable of determining who intended harm based on which preconceived notions. My sense of freedom was distorted, cultural worth gone unrealized. I pursued an encapsulated form of freedom one which evolved around white picket fences, accolades, affirmation and acceptance from people who where “different” than myself, surroundings and being. I took the straight, narrow path believing degrees, upward mobility, righteous living would insulate me, those I love from bigotry, exclusion and being marginalized; I was wrong.
…now I fully understand freedom is merely a metaphor for an ability to escape whenever one pleases; unfortunately, a retreat from ones skin is impossible, unnecessary. I awake each day hoping my actions create barriers which keep unforeseen enemies at bay taking me to a place where having nappy hair, sagging pants, wanting to achieve affluence and being prestigious are common place. The weight of having to live in constant dichotomy is at times unbearable; however, I maintain, looking forward to a time when my blackness, whiteness coexist without envy or malice toward each other.
Answering the first question, second…
The meaning of my life has yet to materialize in its totality, however, I am aware of my immobility and its direct effect on my legacy. The question which keeps me grinding is, “when my time here draws to a close will my life efforts have manifested into unbridled opportunities for those I represent?” I can deal with being called an “Uncle Tom” for my desired successes, I can even deal with being called a “credit” to my race, however, I can’t deal with being labeled as a pacifist, a door mate to the world. In short, each struggle I overcome prepares a place of rest prior to the next and I accept the challenge.
In the words of T. I., “I don’t know what you’ll do for your respect, but I’d die for mine.”
I too was propositioned by magicalsis concerning the meaning of my life? What makes me get up in the morning? I rarely get specific, but since this is yet another opportunity to peer into my Johari Window, I shall; suggest you do the same… SF
I shall address the second question first. I am obsessed with obtaining freedom, which is what makes me rise in the morning. Prior to entering undergraduate studies at Southern Methodist University (where I experienced scathing class-, racism), I wholeheartedly believed in the American ideal. During high school I’d never really been exposed to systematic, individualized –isms leaving me incapable of determining who intended harm based on which preconceived notions. My sense of freedom was distorted, cultural worth gone unrealized. I pursued an encapsulated form of freedom one which evolved around white picket fences, accolades, affirmation and acceptance from people who where “different” than myself, surroundings and being. I took the straight, narrow path believing degrees, upward mobility, righteous living would insulate me, those I love from bigotry, exclusion and being marginalized; I was wrong.
…now I fully understand freedom is merely a metaphor for an ability to escape whenever one pleases; unfortunately, a retreat from ones skin is impossible, unnecessary. I awake each day hoping my actions create barriers which keep unforeseen enemies at bay taking me to a place where having nappy hair, sagging pants, wanting to achieve affluence and being prestigious are common place. The weight of having to live in constant dichotomy is at times unbearable; however, I maintain, looking forward to a time when my blackness, whiteness coexist without envy or malice toward each other.
Answering the first question, second…
The meaning of my life has yet to materialize in its totality, however, I am aware of my immobility and its direct effect on my legacy. The question which keeps me grinding is, “when my time here draws to a close will my life efforts have manifested into unbridled opportunities for those I represent?” I can deal with being called an “Uncle Tom” for my desired successes, I can even deal with being called a “credit” to my race, however, I can’t deal with being labeled as a pacifist, a door mate to the world. In short, each struggle I overcome prepares a place of rest prior to the next and I accept the challenge.
In the words of T. I., “I don’t know what you’ll do for your respect, but I’d die for mine.”
posted by SLUMP FACADE at 4:22:00 PM
perceptive and (somewhat) revealing... "Uncle Tom" or "credit to the race?" damn shame it's almost impossible to be both...
well...i am a white girl, never knowing the struggle of racism in the same way that you do. however, i know how it is being poor in a rich people's world and being a woman in a man's world.
how can we lose if we all just try being in the love? i may not know your particular angst but i know the outcome of not living in the solution.
the downfall will look the same no matter how you got there.
I love your reply Slump just like i love you.
thanks for being a light.
i hear you're rolling down our way...can't wait to meet you at the finals!
in awe of your writing...
Great sentence here:
"…now I fully understand freedom is merely a metaphor for an ability to escape whenever one pleases;"
And this one:
"The question which keeps me grinding is, “when my time here draws to a close will my life efforts have manifested into unbridled opportunities for those I represent?” "
Have had some recent discussions about Southerners versus Northerners. Like, Northerners think all Southerners are ignorant, and South thinks the North too loud an obnoxious.
I used to be ashamed that I was Southern, but no longer. Being a Southerner by birth is only a small part of my whole. I am my own person, with lots of cool stuff mixed in.
I must accept all parts of me, whether pleasant or un-pleasant.
Magical Sis and I were both raised to see people for who they are, not their skin color, sexual organs, religious beliefs, whatever. I am extremely grateful, b/c most of my friends in real life are as diverse as my blogging friends and I would not have it any other way.
Life is too short to not accept what someone else has to offer regardless of the "outer layers". We have so much to share with each other.
I love Tupac's line in the Keep ya head up song: "And if we don't we'll have a race of babies That will hate the ladies, that make the babies".
And since I brought this song up, I must copy this part in too:
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create
one
So will the real men get up
Slump~ I have secretly been reading your posts...just watching but not committing. I am always at a quandry when it comes to the equality issue. I was taught to look at human beings for who they are and not what society labels anyone. I have taught my children the same. They are valiant crusaders for equality in many arenas. I am proud. I hope they can be the generation of change and pass on their beliefs to their offspring so that it can spread. Have hope, for we do and will fight for the injustices done to those who are subjected to a history we cannot change. We can make a new history for ourselves...I have faced inequalities, being a woman, living in a foreign country that is not kind to Americans, living in a community where you are not a part of the "chosen" religion and being shunned....the many faces of inequality...but I accepted the challenge as I do now...