BLACK MORPH (Hindsight is 20/20)

Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia Tech shooter, killer of 32 persons (himself included) is the latest minority being dissected beneath the white hot light of European American cultural scrutiny. Seung-Hui's case is different in that he does not fit into the most prominent category of mass murder, which is "white male". It was reported that he was a South Korean native who had immigrated to this country and was not born an American citizen.

While watching the network coverage ad nauseam, during the last week, it finally hit me, maybe his acts has less to do with terror and more to do with his inability to assimilate or the pressure he felt to do so. The following quote from Seung-Hui resonates with me in that I too have wondered about the behavior of those who exist outside of blackness, "You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn’t enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren’t enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn’t enough. Your vodka and Cognac weren’t enough. All your debaucheries weren’t enough. Those weren’t enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything."

The direct connection I have with his comment lies in my inability to understand why those who have affluence often do the most complaining. During my undergraduate studies, I didn't realize what I lacked until listening to white students discussing their wealth, the vacation spots visited, amounts paid for pairs of jeans and how important it was they be accepted into the RIGHT fraternity or sorority. In hindsight, it is amazing how the conversations of privilege differ from those of poverty. While in college, I was lucky to have gone to the movies during Spring break. I never considered visiting the Cayman Islands or the Peugeot Sound. In fact, I was just happy class wasn't in session.

My point is, I can understand his frustration, not the acts of murder, but definitely the insanity accompanying the experience of college as a minority on a pre-dominantly white campus.

He goes on to say, "Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated and be impaled upon on a cross? And left to bleed to death for your amusement? You have never felt a single ounce of pain your whole life. Did you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can just because you can?" These quotes represent metaphors to me, comparisons of Christ suffering to his. As an undergraduate, I was often humiliated by constantly being asked, "...if you're not an athlete, how can you afford to go to this university?" There were times when I wondered why the white males members of KA fraternity (southern organization founded by Robert E. Lee) were insensitive to African American students feeling enraged because the KA's passionately flew the confederate flag above their frat house. There were times I wondered if affluent students ever felt an ounce of pain, buried fellow childhood friends turned gang members, grew up in never-married single parent homes, had crack mothers, wrote letters to their incarcerated fathers they knew they'd never see again or even knew what it meant to have to eat oatmeal for breakfast, lunch and dinner because those were the only options. It has always been my belief that assimilation is an imagined ideal, one which will never be fully achieved, not even for African Americans.

What is not imagined is in some aspects of American culture conformity is expected, the minority is to become part of the dominant cultural whole in order to be seen as equal, respected or valued. It is this unspoken law which has driven minorities to the places where self-hate dwell, especially US, e. g. Hip Hop video images, hair straightening and even interracial marriages. The statement he made by destroying life was wrong, but I wonder about his motives, especially the ones attached to the following quote, “I didn’t have to do this. I could have left. I could have fled. But no, I will no longer run ... It’s not for me. For my children, for my brothers and sisters that you f---, I did it for them.”

It reminded me of all the African American students who transfer from pre-dominant white colleges in order to journey to institutions where they "feel" the worth of their ethnicity matters. It reminded me that WE have the choice to retreat or stay and fight. It reminded me OUR actions are connected to OUR cultural whole rather we like it or not. Most importantly, it reminded me that my children, brothers, sisters are directly linked to my immediate successes or failures.

Just my thoughts...