Reminiscent Weakness
The Obvious Link (XLIV)
It often fades like old lead paint, toxic,
once vibrant, now Gothic in colour,
once inseparable, now torn asunder,
once unrehearsed, now robotic in reaction,
once united in faction seeking similar means to beautiful ends,
now vanishing, like real moments turned pretend,
once visible, now as difficult to see as blown wind,
once nothing, turned friend, turned enemy, turned infamy
was once immune to distraction,
now riddled with Attention Deficit Disorder
leaving its focus far shorter than it was “once up on a time”,
when it shined morning sun bright,
when it was valued as much as new life, now dying,
prior to the wilting,
prior to being guilty of quitting,
prior to knowing it came home only to leave,
a so-called solution, a reprieve from…
watching it pack its bags is unfulfilling
until it returns "home" to unpack...
Good-bye Love
The aforementioned piece is one of seven to be
posted prior to the completion of my current
book project. Please be frightfully honest, I "need"
opinions to be honest concerning this and other
prose to follow. Again, thank each of you for your
assistance -- in advance!!!
It often fades like old lead paint, toxic,
once vibrant, now Gothic in colour,
once inseparable, now torn asunder,
once unrehearsed, now robotic in reaction,
once united in faction seeking similar means to beautiful ends,
now vanishing, like real moments turned pretend,
once visible, now as difficult to see as blown wind,
once nothing, turned friend, turned enemy, turned infamy
was once immune to distraction,
now riddled with Attention Deficit Disorder
leaving its focus far shorter than it was “once up on a time”,
when it shined morning sun bright,
when it was valued as much as new life, now dying,
prior to the wilting,
prior to being guilty of quitting,
prior to knowing it came home only to leave,
a so-called solution, a reprieve from…
watching it pack its bags is unfulfilling
until it returns "home" to unpack...
Good-bye Love
The aforementioned piece is one of seven to be
posted prior to the completion of my current
book project. Please be frightfully honest, I "need"
opinions to be honest concerning this and other
prose to follow. Again, thank each of you for your
assistance -- in advance!!!
whats up slump.....
It was cool until the -->(A.D.D) part, that was axiomtic, just my feelings though
Just sending you a friendly wave!
good piece, different writing for you too it seems.
this is the story of "love" for so many, the constant game of settling. the back n forth wordage was good. the use of A.D.D threw me off, not needed.
keep it coming.
Whew *sigh*
I just stopped by to read what was left by you when you decided you were over and then THIS!!!
Really FEEL your writing. You have a way of having your reader feel compassion for all that you seem to be feeling.
I got the ADD reference. It's hard when the one that used to be your world no longer finds time for you.
MORE PLEASE!
Isha
quite a departure from what Im used to reading from you but I enjoyed it :-)
But Im sure you knew that right?
This is a very "grown up" piece. The kind only folk headed for divorce can fully appreciate. It's not very subtle on the surface... And that's the hook! Below the surface: tension more taut than any words you could use to describe! I love the way you add layer upon layer of contrast (my favorite creative ingredient,) to drive home the point that all trace of affection is gone. The use of "it" rather than him or her masterfully emphasize the disdain and distance that has replaced love. Excellent piece. I felt it deeply and personally, can you tell?
Ok Ok Ok!! I actually liked the A.D.D reference because it is in fact adequately describes the feeling or mind state once you get so comfortable in a relationship that all the hype about it is gone. So you no longer can focus on all that held your attention before. But that is just me. I got that this was the ebb and flow of love. It comes and it goes only to return again in some form or another. I liked how you went back and forth with the emotions too...from positive to negative.
I thought this was an awesome piece honestly. It reminded me of my last situation. It was wonderful until it wasn't wonderful anymore...now I am waiting for it to return to me again (unpack if you will)...but I pray this time it stays for good.
Excellent!!
*oh by the way...I'm back...thanks for checking on me!*
B.
well...let's see...i really like the wording...good visuals.
the beginning starts out thumpin' but then it kinda starts peterin' out here:
"was once immune to distraction"
after this sentence, i find it cumbersome and hard to follow. I would...edit~ edit~ edit~ and rearrange...not so much change.
ok...luv...kisses!
B.
I thought I commented on this piece!! Well...I did in an e-mail. I love this piece. Perfection!