Moment of Clarity: Veridad o Falso
Per speaking with several women, in effort to conduct research for my next book, I stumbled across a realization which I wanted to bring to the blog world. It is as follows: WOMEN DON'T WANT A "GOOD" MAN, THEY WANT A MAN WHO ASPIRES TO BE GOOD WHILE BEHAVING BADLY. I've been told several times by women, "I don't want a man I can run over." The translation varies from a man who does everything his woman says to a man who gives too much of himself to here to the point where she is irritated. I don't understand it, I thought the Baby Face template was the platinum standard. I mean, which woman doesn't want a man to pay her rent, wash her clothes and cook dinner as soon as he gets home from work? Problem is, worshipping a woman doesn't fly, its not sexy. Initially, women are attracted to a man who is attractive and attracted to them, even slightly, barring he has the basics: intellect, sex appeal and drive. However, eventually, too much can equate to too little.
Example I, I give a woman a dozen roses once a year just because I think she deserves to be showered. She will no doubt appreciate the gift because there was no expectation. If I give the same woman a dozen roses three times a week, her appreciation will wane.
Example II, one woman said, "When a man loves me I don't want to be told, I want to be shown." The aforementioned example would work for her possibly, unless she associates a man continually "showing" love as soft or weak, which is the general premise of the post.
Example III, a woman who is currently having an affair told me the following, "My husband is safe, which is part of the reason I married him. He is conservative, but conforming to his colleagues, this I despise. My kept man is adventurous, wild, dangerous, plays by his own rules and I can be myself around him." She goes on to say, "I love my husband and I'd never leave him unless he became risky which would threaten our security."
Example IV, another woman told me, "I equate a man showing love with providing for me, which means if wants to play, he has to pay."
Amazing!!!
All this time, I thought loving a woman was about giving her exactly what she needed and attempting to get her 95% of what she wanted. In hindsight, it seems if a man's best bet is to give a woman a balanced version of love. Resist, yet be aggressive. Give in to her way, but only when you deem it necessary. Tell her no, but only when she expects to hear "yes". In short, there are good men, unfortunately, most of them are being played by women who realize "safe" is boring, but Lil Wayne, 2Pac types are exciting; its the ultimate practice in having your cake and eating it too. If a man is too much like either you can best bet his woman is finding balance to what he is lacking, one additional man at a time.
Example I, I give a woman a dozen roses once a year just because I think she deserves to be showered. She will no doubt appreciate the gift because there was no expectation. If I give the same woman a dozen roses three times a week, her appreciation will wane.
Example II, one woman said, "When a man loves me I don't want to be told, I want to be shown." The aforementioned example would work for her possibly, unless she associates a man continually "showing" love as soft or weak, which is the general premise of the post.
Example III, a woman who is currently having an affair told me the following, "My husband is safe, which is part of the reason I married him. He is conservative, but conforming to his colleagues, this I despise. My kept man is adventurous, wild, dangerous, plays by his own rules and I can be myself around him." She goes on to say, "I love my husband and I'd never leave him unless he became risky which would threaten our security."
Example IV, another woman told me, "I equate a man showing love with providing for me, which means if wants to play, he has to pay."
Amazing!!!
All this time, I thought loving a woman was about giving her exactly what she needed and attempting to get her 95% of what she wanted. In hindsight, it seems if a man's best bet is to give a woman a balanced version of love. Resist, yet be aggressive. Give in to her way, but only when you deem it necessary. Tell her no, but only when she expects to hear "yes". In short, there are good men, unfortunately, most of them are being played by women who realize "safe" is boring, but Lil Wayne, 2Pac types are exciting; its the ultimate practice in having your cake and eating it too. If a man is too much like either you can best bet his woman is finding balance to what he is lacking, one additional man at a time.
posted by SLUMP FACADE at 11:28:00 AM
Well said and researched:)May I share?
I whole heartedly agree....Women just say that they want a sensitive man. When deep down inside they want someone that treats them like crap so it makes them want him more.It is like false advertising.
Mis Understood, please do share, I'd love to know your opinion...
Jmaz my response to your comment is AMEN WALLS! True, women want balance, part want don't give me my way (translation, dog me out) and part want give me love as long as its too much love. Women are crazy!!! I always say, women are all ROSES, however, every ROSE has its thorns; some more than others...
Well Hello Stranger. I have been busy busy busy, but I could not pass this up. Although I see how you may come to the conclusion you have reached I think you miss a very important truth.
No one wants to be dogged. Women are no exception. what we want is for men to be who they are. We don't like feeling like we are being bought which mean that gifts while lovely ( I like them WAAAY A lot) are not the end all be all to a relationship.
There are certain standards. And perhaps I am the exception because I actually buy into the whole Ephesians idea of marriage. This means that in the relationship the roles are defined.
When women say they don't want a man who they can run over it means that I don't want to "Be the man in the relationship". Usually women who say this as a criteria have been in relationships with "child-men" who have found it easier to take no responsibility be it for bill or for the relationship in and of itself.
This does not mean that those same women transversely want 50-Cent. They just want a man who behaves responsibly and has a clear path for his life. After all how can I trust you with me if you have not grown up enough to trust you with YOU.
In addition most women want security. Be it financial, relationship wise, or simple safety... most of us appreciate having a soft place to fall.
Women enjoy life just like men, but often times when we marry it is forgotten you met me partying or at the game or wherever. There is an old saying the goes "what you did to get her you have to do to keep her" all the while remembering relationships grow and change which makes room for growth, new ideas, new likes, and new dislikes.
Women are no so different from men. If you stop and think about it no woman loves the rug they wipe their feet on at the door but most women adore the deep set jacuzzi tub that caters to them when they need it. Both things serve a purpose; as a man you have to decide which one you want to be.