The Anti-Love Hero
Re-examination
I hear love is a two-way street filled with pot holes,
detours, friendly drivers, wreck victims and police
who make arrest based on how fast you are traveling.
Seems the faster you go the higher the price you pay
when your inevitable court date arrives. No matter the
excuses, you will pay, all because you "chose" to pursue
love. This said, I spent all weekend trying to process
the following, what is the impact of love's intensity on
the individual with whom you have feelings? I've experienced
being both drawn to and repelled by women who said they
"love" me, showed they "love" me and acted as if they
actually "loved" me.
My belief of whether I'm worthy of a woman's love to
the side, just focusing on the intensity of a woman's
love, how does it make me react? How does it make any
of us react? As I thought back, it seemed those women
who I "knew" I could have -- I loved "harder".
I tried to please them, tried to make them happier,
tried to take them to a place where I believed love
existed -- a place where we could share an existence.
Those women who alluded to loving me, without being as
intense, I took their words with a grain of dust;
waited to see if their actions matched their words.
Which brings me to one of the most shallow thoughts I've
ever had, “how much does physical appearance matter concerning
the intensity level of love one reciprocates?"
Example #1, I have female friends who won't give a so-called
ugly guy the time of day, but they keep dating the so-called
sexy guys who give them the James Byrd treatment and drag
their asses thru the mud. I'm not a fool, I know beauty is
matters, but are people necessarily more intense with their
love if the person who loves them is beautiful or ugly?
Example 2, in college, I dated the ugliest girl on the yard,
no kidding. We stared off as friends, hung out occasionally,
got to know each other, then after about four months I found
myself giving her a key to my apartment. Ours was a good
relationship, however, all of the guys I knew kept telling me
I could do better without considering how great she treated me.
They based it solely on looks, not knowing how good she made
me "feel". The flip side is the most beautiful girl I dated,
I dogged her out. It was almost as if I felt a need to treat
her bad as pay back for all the so-called pretty women who
ignored me during my informative nerd years.
I digress.
The intent of this post, initially, was to speak about beauty, its
attractiveness and how it has recently captured my thoughts.
Last night, I watched HEROS for the first time, since I’m an
avid Sci-fi fan I figured I’d dig it. It was about a B-, wasn’t as
good as X-Files, but it was almost as good as the 4400. There
is a character on the show named Simone Deveraux, I have yet
to figure out her role on the show, but I did notice her beauty.
She is extraordinary, the first woman I’ve seen in years who I
though was gorgeous more so than the platinum standard Halle
Berry. Seeing her triggered a variety of thoughts concerning
how African American beauty is defined, accepted and explored.
Her real name is Tawny Cypress, check her out, she is my
new 10 in a world of 5’s…
In short, seeing her made me wonder if loving a beautiful v.
an ugly woman is approached by men in the same manner. I’ve
heard men say they have to work harder to keep an beautiful
woman because the line of men waiting to take their place as
her man is lengthy. I’ve heard men say they’d rather date an
ugly woman because she ain’t going anywhere. I’ve dated both,
each woman different, however, I think the intensity I showed
was based on how they treated me, not necessarily how they
looked. However, I must say, the better a woman is to look at
the more I’ll look, the way she treats me, regardless of outward
appearance, determines whether I'll stay.
The real question is can you love, fall in love with someone
you’ve never seen, never met, never embraced?
I hear love is a two-way street filled with pot holes,
detours, friendly drivers, wreck victims and police
who make arrest based on how fast you are traveling.
Seems the faster you go the higher the price you pay
when your inevitable court date arrives. No matter the
excuses, you will pay, all because you "chose" to pursue
love. This said, I spent all weekend trying to process
the following, what is the impact of love's intensity on
the individual with whom you have feelings? I've experienced
being both drawn to and repelled by women who said they
"love" me, showed they "love" me and acted as if they
actually "loved" me.
My belief of whether I'm worthy of a woman's love to
the side, just focusing on the intensity of a woman's
love, how does it make me react? How does it make any
of us react? As I thought back, it seemed those women
who I "knew" I could have -- I loved "harder".
I tried to please them, tried to make them happier,
tried to take them to a place where I believed love
existed -- a place where we could share an existence.
Those women who alluded to loving me, without being as
intense, I took their words with a grain of dust;
waited to see if their actions matched their words.
Which brings me to one of the most shallow thoughts I've
ever had, “how much does physical appearance matter concerning
the intensity level of love one reciprocates?"
Example #1, I have female friends who won't give a so-called
ugly guy the time of day, but they keep dating the so-called
sexy guys who give them the James Byrd treatment and drag
their asses thru the mud. I'm not a fool, I know beauty is
matters, but are people necessarily more intense with their
love if the person who loves them is beautiful or ugly?
Example 2, in college, I dated the ugliest girl on the yard,
no kidding. We stared off as friends, hung out occasionally,
got to know each other, then after about four months I found
myself giving her a key to my apartment. Ours was a good
relationship, however, all of the guys I knew kept telling me
I could do better without considering how great she treated me.
They based it solely on looks, not knowing how good she made
me "feel". The flip side is the most beautiful girl I dated,
I dogged her out. It was almost as if I felt a need to treat
her bad as pay back for all the so-called pretty women who
ignored me during my informative nerd years.
I digress.
The intent of this post, initially, was to speak about beauty, its
attractiveness and how it has recently captured my thoughts.
Last night, I watched HEROS for the first time, since I’m an
avid Sci-fi fan I figured I’d dig it. It was about a B-, wasn’t as
good as X-Files, but it was almost as good as the 4400. There
is a character on the show named Simone Deveraux, I have yet
to figure out her role on the show, but I did notice her beauty.
She is extraordinary, the first woman I’ve seen in years who I
though was gorgeous more so than the platinum standard Halle
Berry. Seeing her triggered a variety of thoughts concerning
how African American beauty is defined, accepted and explored.
Her real name is Tawny Cypress, check her out, she is my
new 10 in a world of 5’s…
In short, seeing her made me wonder if loving a beautiful v.
an ugly woman is approached by men in the same manner. I’ve
heard men say they have to work harder to keep an beautiful
woman because the line of men waiting to take their place as
her man is lengthy. I’ve heard men say they’d rather date an
ugly woman because she ain’t going anywhere. I’ve dated both,
each woman different, however, I think the intensity I showed
was based on how they treated me, not necessarily how they
looked. However, I must say, the better a woman is to look at
the more I’ll look, the way she treats me, regardless of outward
appearance, determines whether I'll stay.
The real question is can you love, fall in love with someone
you’ve never seen, never met, never embraced?
posted by SLUMP FACADE at 8:04:00 AM
I was just talking to someone about this. Like Gina said on a different world, "love is a funny thang, girl." LOL
Anyway I have to answer this concluding question, and my answer would have to be, yes. And I say yes to a degree. The tangible things come into play when you want to physically show the love.
I really like this post, well I like most of yours I like how you your mind functions.
The real question is can you love, fall in love with someone
you’ve never seen, never met, never embraced?
Yes, I believe you can. One of my first boyfriends romanced me over the phone and via email before we ever met. It was one of the most passionate and romantic relationships I've ever experienced. I can definitely say I felt love for him before ever meeting him.
For me looks are not the be all end all. I have dated attractive men who have become ugly due to their personality and the way treat others. And I have dated the brother that other woman wouldn't look at twice who was intelligent and caring. To me that made him beautiful.
Hmmm? Very interesting post Slump. I'll agree and disagree. I agree that one can fall in love with the PERSON because anonymity provides us with the shield needed for the person to know the core. When looks are subtracted from the equation, one creates an image of what they think the other person could look like. Now, that established, the two meet after the bond is formed. The internal emotional connection exists, but if the physical does not meet the acceptable standard in which one needs to sustain or broaden the connection, the "in love" state can be compromised.
Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and we all know we've "fallen" for someone based on looks (good or bad) and the person becomes the opposing entity. It's a tough one and one that I can't really take a position on. I will conclude and say, yes, it's possible; however, whether it lasts or not is the real question.
i LOVE this post! absolutely. it got me to thinking as well and in one way or another, i agree with everyone who has commented before me.
i've always found myself attracted to the man who possesses what i like to call "that thing". sometimes the most beautiful man in the world just doesn't have "it" and then you encounter someone who might not normally turn your head and "it" just literally drips from him! "that thing" is hard to define but easy to identity when you see him, speak to him or read him. his vibe (for the lack of a better word) tends to permeate EVERYTHING he touches and it is definitely possible to fall in love with him prior to being touched by him in the physical sense.
in any event, i don't agree with your friend who thinks you have to work harder to keep a "beautiful" woman. simply because whether she is beautiful in the traditional sense or not... i've always found that what one person may not necessarily find attractive, someone else definitely will. so they "line waiting" to take ones place will exist regardless. thank God beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and that one man's trash is another mans treasure, so-to-speak.
whew. i'm getting longwinded, huh? (LOL) did i mention i LOVE this post?
Peace!
i think you can be attracted to someone you've not yet met but that's not love to me...
I mean love to me is more about the day in and day out, year in and year out stuff, not the fantasy we project when we see someone we're attracted to.
I've never dated anyone whom I personally thought was ugly because ugly is a word I use to describe how someone is on the inside...not the out.
I like all kinds of me but mostly i'm attracted to the ones who are beautiful on the inside.
I think I can feel love for a One I haven't actually met in real life. Certainly it is based more on my perceptions than actual contact.
This was a well-written pondering, Slump, of this oft asked question..."how important are looks?"
I started dating 6 months ago after a long term relationship fell apart and I was celibate for a couple of years.
I have found that although looks play a part in my attraction, that mainly the attraction escalates only with chemistry between us. It is what I do not see that means the most, the feeling of connection, of those sparks unseen.
In my study of human nature, yes, women do like the bad boys! I do. But...he needs to be able to love deeply for me to stay.